Positive reinforcement 3.0
BOTH
“Please Sarah, look Heidi in the eyes while you do it,” Doctor Valery asked.
Sarah was touching Heidi’s face with her hand, an exercise in exploring the other person, to understand what it meant to inhabit someone else’s skin.
Ethan was sitting in another chair meanwhile.
“What is your daughter’s skin like, Sarah? Describe it for us.”
“It’s soft...” she whispered. Heidi blushed and looked away immediately.
“That’s very generic, honey,” Ethan interrupted.
The doctor said nothing but it was obvious he approved of Ethan’s observation.
“It’s... hot.” Heidi looked at her intensely when she said that.
“What do you mean?” Doctor Valery asked.
“I mean, it’s warm...” she corrected, caressing her cheek. Heidi tilted her head toward her hand, reaching for it.
“Continue, Sarah, keep moving your hand.”
Sarah ed the pad of her thumb over Heidi’s lips. They were slightly full, they were big, and they were opening for Sarah.
Both women were breathing heavily.
“It’s your turn, Heidi.”
“Excuse me, doctor, but you said each one has to touch a different part of the person’s body,” Ethan interrupted again when Heidi brought her hand to her mother’s face.
“That’s what I said, Ethan, thank you for pointing it out,” Doctor Valery said. Both men had a perfect view of both women.
Heidi lowered her hand to her mother’s neck. She could feel her swallow. She did the same.
She stayed there for a while, feeling the skin, the sweat. She wanted to be able to get closer and smell it.
“Please, Heidi, we said it has to be something intimate, something that can make you know what it’s like to be your mother.”
They looked at each other. Heidi lowered her hand a little, a little more, and stopped right where Sarah’s neckline began. She felt like her heart was about to explode. She could feel the shape forming.
“Continue,” the doctor said.
Heidi looked at her mother. Sarah said nothing. But her chest was rising and falling faster than before.
Heidi moved her hand. Just a centimeter. The tips of her fingers touched the fabric. Sarah held her breath.
She ran her fingers over the fabric. She felt the shape. It was barely a touch.
“What are they like?” the doctor asked.
Heidi swallowed.
“They’re... big,” she said. Her voice came out low.
“Big? Do better, Heidi,” the doctor repeated.
Ethan turned up the volume of the music.
“They’re enormous. They don’t fit in... my hands.”
Sarah exhaled. A long, shaky sound. But she said nothing.
“Do you like them?”
“Yess,” she moaned without realizing it.
“Tell her.”
“Mom, I like that... your breasts are enormous.”
“Sarah,” Doctor Valery said. “Sarah,” he repeated. She was too focused on Heidi’s hands to pay attention to what was happening around her.
“Yes?” she said, blushing.
“Your daughter just complimented your breasts. Wouldn’t you like to respond? What did you like about Heidi?”
“Her... her lips are full. They’re sexy.”
“Tell her.”
“Heidi, I like your full lips,” her mother said while she had her hands on her breasts.
“Excellent. I think that’s all for today, girls,” Valery announced.
They both stood up, clearly embarrassed, and moved a little away from each other.
“Girls, so much progress for you to ruin it in an instant,” the doctor said. “Please, hold hands. In open reconciliation.”
Both women looked at each other.
Heidi was the first to move her hand. Just a little.
Sarah followed. Their fingers met in the space between them. Their hands stayed open at first and little by little their fingers began to curl.
And then, without either of them fully deciding it, their hands closed.
Even though neither of them spoke, you could tell that with each step they were getting more comfortable. Ethan had gone ahead. He was always a gentleman, but something strange happened. He didn’t open the front door, but the back one.
But the strangest thing was that she didn’t object. A good part of her wanted it, because it meant spending more time with Heidi, with their hands intertwined.
“Girls,” Ethan said after twenty minutes of absolute silence in the car, “I want to thank you. I know you’ve been putting in the effort in therapy. I want to reward you. How about I take you to the beach this weekend?”
Neither said anything, but Heidi twisted her fingers, still ed with her mother’s.
“I’m not sure, honey...” Sarah said. “I don’t even have a bikini.”
“That’s easy to solve. How about we stop by the mall and let Heidi help you choose one? What do you say, Heidi?”
Heidi looked at Sarah for a moment before saying:
“I... I like the idea.”
“I’ll go get some parts for the car and pick you up in... a couple of hours?”
Sarah nodded without looking at him. Heidi and her were still holding hands, though neither was looking at the other.
The mall was crowded. Heidi looked at the storefronts without seeing them. Sarah looked at the floor. The clothing stores were in the center.
“How about here?” Heidi said, stopping.
“It doesn’t exactly look like... bikinis,” Sarah said, noticing there were mannequins with lingerie.
“It’s... possible. I mean, they seem to sell a lot of things...” Heidi answered nervously.
“Well, it wouldn’t kill us... to take a look...” Sarah pointed out.
“Hello, ladies, my name is Nicole. Are you looking for anything in particular?” greeted a young woman not much older than Heidi.
“I... we... um...” Sarah started to stammer.
“We’re just looking,” Heidi interrupted.
“Excellent, don’t hesitate to ask for help,” Nicole said, walking away to attend to other women who were arriving.
“Maybe we should go...” Sarah was about to say when she felt Heidi pull her inside. She didn’t look at her. She let herself be pulled.
They walked around for a bit, looking at everything, when Heidi, pretending not to be looking, took a set and handed it to her.
“What do you think of this?”
“For you?” Sarah asked, blushing when she saw it was a lace lingerie set.
“No,” Heidi laughed. “For you.”
“Heidi, I don’t have the body to wear something like that,” she laughed while looking at it.
“Of course you do... you have an e-excellent body...” Heidi stammered.
“Don’t flatter me,” she replied, giving her a small nudge.
“I’m not,” Heidi said, nudging her back. “I’m just stating the obvious. Come on, try it on.”
“Heidi... you’re not allowed to try on underwear...”
“Yes you can, as long as you only try on... the bra.”
“Heidi, I’m not sure...” she hesitated.
“Come on...”
“What if... never mind.”
“What?”
“Well... what if I try this one on... and you try this other one...” she said, pointing to another lingerie set.
The space was small. Too small. Their shoulders almost touched. There was a mirror at the back and a metal bar with three empty hooks.
“I thought there would be more space,” Heidi said nervously.
“Yeah...” Sarah whispered, turning toward the wall. Then she took a breath and, using all her strength, took off her blouse, letting it fall to the floor.
Heidi said nothing, but her eyes were fixed on her mother’s back. Sarah moved her hands slowly, or at least that’s how it looked to her, when she unhooked her bra and then threw it to the floor.
Her breasts were big enough that Heidi could see the curve.
A moment later, Sarah picked up the lace and it made a creaking sound as it stretched so much. The lace bra was on, but the clasps in the back wouldn’t close. Sarah’s skin overflowed from the sides, pressed against the black fabric. Sarah’s fingers fumbled with the hooks, but couldn’t reach.
“You okay?” Heidi asked.
“This is... I don’t know if it fits.”
“You want me to help?”
“Yes.”
Heidi took a step. Now they were practically glued together. She could feel the heat radiating from her mother’s body. She could smell her.
She raised her hands. Brought them to Sarah’s back. Her fingers brushed against her skin as she searched for the hooks. Sarah tensed up.
The skin on her back was covered in goosebumps. Heidi felt it under her fingertips. Every tiny raised hair. Every pore.
“You’re cold,” Heidi said.
“It’s cold...” Sarah answered.
Heidi pulled on the hooks hard. The fabric creaked again. Sarah’s skin was marked by the edges. And finally, it clicked.
“Done... let me see how it looks on you,” Heidi whispered, half asking, half begging.
Sarah exhaled and slowly turned toward Heidi. The black fabric barely contained her breasts. White skin spilled over the top, the sides, the bottom. Her nipples were hard. They marked the fabric.
Sarah looked at herself in the mirror.
“It’s too small,” Sarah said.
“No,” Heidi answered. “Y-you look really good.”
Sarah looked up. Her eyes met Heidi’s in the mirror.
“Ethan’s been trying to get me to wear something like this since we met,” Sarah said without thinking.
Heidi lowered her hands. Took a step back.
“What?”
“He’s always liked this kind of thing.” Sarah kept looking at herself in the mirror, but she wasn’t seeing herself anymore. “He bought me one just like it years ago. I never wore it.”
Heidi said nothing.
“Now he’ll be happy,” Sarah added, letting out a small, nervous laugh.
Heidi looked at her. One second. Two.
“I have to go,” she said.
“What?”
“I have to go,” she repeated.
Sarah turned around. The bra creaked again.
“Heidi...”
But Heidi was already opening the door. She walked out into the hallway. Walked fast. Didn’t look back.
Nicole said something from the . She didn’t hear.
She walked through the mall without seeing anything. The people. The lights. The storefronts. Nothing.
She got to the car. Ethan was asleep in the driver’s seat. She opened the back door. Got in. Closed it.
She stayed there, in the back seat, her hands empty on her thighs.
She didn’t cry. Not yet.
She took a deep breath. Once. Twice.
And then she did.
The tears came out on their own. She made no sound. Just stayed there, in the empty car, crying silently, not really sure why.
Sarah arrived a few minutes later. Opened the driver’s door. Didn’t ask anything.
Ethan started to wake up.
“How’d it go?” he asked, without turning around.
“Good,” Sarah said.
Heidi nodded. Ethan couldn’t see her, but she nodded anyway.
“Find something?”
“Yes,” Sarah answered.
“Did it fit?”
Sarah hesitated. One second. Then she smiled. A normal smile. The one she always had.
“Yes. It fit.”
Ethan smiled.
“I’m glad. It’s about time you bought things like that,” he said, adjusting the mirror.
Sarah didn’t answer. Ethan started the car. Pulled out of the parking lot. The mall was behind them. The lights. The people. Everything.
No one spoke.
Heidi watched through the back window. The streets. The trees. The houses. None of it helped her think about something else.
At a stoplight, Ethan looked at Sarah.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered. She didn’t look at him.
The light changed. Ethan kept driving.
Heidi, from the back, watched her mother in the rearview mirror. Sarah wasn’t looking at anything. Just the road ahead.
And the car continued on its course. The three of them inside. Each in their place. As if nothing had happened.
Heidi had been in bed for hours, looking at the ceiling, the walls, the window. She hadn’t come down for dinner. Hadn’t talked to anyone.
Her eyes were burning. They had been red since the car.
The knock on the door was soft. Two soft knocks. Nothing else.
“Heidi?”
Sarah. She didn’t wait for an answer. Opened slowly.
She was carrying a tray with food. She set it on the desk.
Heidi didn’t move. She was on the bed, on her back, looking at nothing.
“You need to eat...”
Heidi didn’t answer.
Sarah started to leave but suddenly stopped and stayed in the doorway, closing it.
“Thank you for helping me today,” she said. “With the clothes.” Her tone was nervous, desperate.
Heidi didn’t answer.
“I’m not sure it really fits me.”
Sarah brought her hands to her blouse. Unbuttoned it. One. Two.
Underneath was the lace. Black. Tight. Her breasts still spilled over the edges.
Heidi looked at her. That’s all. She looked.
Sarah didn’t move.
“It left marks,” she said in a low voice.
She brought her hands to her back. Her fingers found the hooks. She undid them.
The lace fell.
Her breasts were free. The white skin still marked by the edges of the fabric. Red lines where the lace had pressed.
Heidi sat up just a little. The skin on her arms broke out in goosebumps.
Sarah did nothing. Just stayed there, in the doorway, her breasts bare, the marks still fresh. They hung low, as is natural for a woman her age, but to Heidi they looked magnificent. They were so big...
After a minute, Sarah picked up her blouse and put it back on.
“Keep it if you want,” she said, with a small smile. “It doesn’t fit me,” referring to the lace on the floor.
Sarah left. Closed the door.
Heidi slowly sat up in bed, still trying to understand what she had seen. Then she went to where the lace was, picked it up, and started smelling it desperately. It was sweaty. She was tempted to lick it, but that might affect the smell.
When it was time to sleep, she did so with it pressed against her pillow.