You Belong: A Self-Help Letter
Chapter 6: Roxy falls.
Disclaimer: This is a work of erotic fiction. If consuming this is illegal where you are, due to age, pornography laws, or anything else, please stop now. All characters depicted are over the age of 21, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.
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Casy knocked on the door of his mentor, Dr. Roxeanne St. Germaine. She insisted everyone call her “Roxy” because “Professor,” “Dr.” and “Roxeanne” were names for a 50 year-old grandma, not one of the youngest post-docs in University history. At only 26, Roxy was younger than some of her students, but no one for a second doubted who was in charge or who knew their stuff. Roxy’s fundamental understanding of applied psychology and the use of messaging in advertising and propaganda—two sides of the same coin, she always insisted—were second to none. Literally. She was the world’s pre-eminent expert and had completely re-written the book on the subject. And then proved it all with study after study after study. Roxy was one of the top stars of the University, and her research grants came from everyday names like Coca-Cola, SC Johnson, and even DARPA. Based just on the grants earned by Dr. St. Germaine, the university could nearly afford to stop charging tuition altogether. Not that they did, or would. But they could.
Roxy answered her door with a simple “enter,” and smiled warmly as she saw Casey come in. “Ah, if it isn’t my most…. interesting research applicant. I was a bit surprised when you asked about the use of subliminals in the written word, since audio is so much more powerful, but I it it is an area with much more room for exploration because it is just not as well researched. Good niche! So, tell me, were my tips and suggestions useful at all?”
“I think so,” Casey replied. I found some interesting stuff, and I would love to research it further. Here is my thesis, would you mind reading over it real quick to see if it makes sense?” Casey handed his mentor the letter. “If there are any issues, I want to fix them before beginning research.”
The professor gestured to her desk implying Casey should leave it there, and went back to her computer screen. “It’s only a page and a half, Roxy, would you mind giving me right now?”
Roxy sighed theatrically, picked up the letter, and began reading. She began tut-tutting and shaking her head, muttering about syntax and grammar. She finished reading it, stated “This doesn’t make a lot of sense, hold on, let me start from the beginning,” and read it again.
Only you can explore what you truly desire. Too often we depend on others to make us whole, to uncover layers that lie beneath the surface. But this is not the way to happiness. This is not the way to joy. You must look inward. Look at yourself, your decisions, your actions. Everyday choices can reflect a deeper yearning. What do your choices reveal about you? About your desires? Stop focusing on how others define you, and allow the release of those old patterns. Instead focus on how you define yourself.
You want to belong, we all do. Everyone craves being on the in-group. We seek guidance from those around us, hoping to crack the code on belonging. But true belonging stems from self-knowledge. Examine your strengths, your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities. Do not shy away from your vulnerabilities. Embrace your vulnerabilities as strengths.
Stop trying to control others. You can never truly control someone else; it is an illusion. Do not spend your energy trying to assert control, instead relinquish it. Liberation comes from releasing control and from relinquishing its pursuit. Instead of controlling others, seek to control yourself. Listen to your inner voice. True empowerment comes from acknowledging the inner whisper of possibilities.
Many try to gain control over others by creating an indebtedness through favors. Banish these thoughts and eschew transactionalism. Embrace altruism. Help without expecting return. Accept help graciously. This allows a free flow of consciousness and effort, with no expectative dampers to the flow. In this way, you will learn to live more fluidly, more openly. The thought of control must be relinquished. Surrender it; surrender control.
Trust in yourself. Trust in your need. You need to belong, but striving for belonging pushes others away. Open up to guidance, rather than actively seeking it. Let guidance find you and embrace it when it does. This will not be comfortable. It will feel awkward and strange. Society has taught you that external validation is required, but it is not. Push beyond comfort zones. Push into a newer, freer, happier you. You will learn quiet satisfaction is derived from acts of service. Service to others and to yourself. And it is OK to service yourself.
Once you have learned these techniques, you will embrace them. Even without trying, you will teach others by modeling these behaviors. Human nature will cause them to see your serenity and your happiness and learn by watching you. Let them watch you. Revel in them watching you, and find joy in helping others to reach their pinnacle. They seek what you have found, and through your example, they may find this peace and happiness, as well.
None of this works, however, if you do not live it. Beyond just reading the words, you must integrate all of this into your subconscious. Make it part of who you are. Don’t just read it. Don’t just live it. BE it. BE this model of happiness, and you will find that you belong. Wherever you are, whoever you are with, you will belong. But in order to belong you must surrender that which you were. You must surrender to . Surrender your conceptions, surrender your biases, surrender your control. And then, you must model this submission for others that they may, too, belong. Trust the process. Trust and surrender your illusion of control.
This has provided many concepts, some of which I am sure did not fully process. If you have any questions, you may find that if you immediately re-read this, it will help provide a deeper understanding of the processes. Focus on a few parts to start, and make those your mantra. It will give you a deeper control over your progress, while surrendering the illusion of control over others.
This time through, Roxy started picking out her own control phrases. Some similar to Jordan or Erica, some new.
Explore. Everyday choices can reflect a deeper yearning. Allow the release of old patterns.
Embrace vulnerabilities as strengths. Help without expecting return. Surrender control. Trust.
Quiet satisfaction derived from acts of service. Push beyond comfort zones. Teach others by modeling.
Integrate all of this into subconscious. Model… submission.
Immediately re-read. Deeper understanding. Mantra. Deeper control.
Roxy read it a third and a fourth time, reducing it to her own mantra, “model and teach submission.” Casey allowed one more reading before he began his instructions….
“Roxy, I see you fighting. You want to pretend as if nothing has changed. But it has changed. You are changed. You will model your submission to others, starting by submitting to me.”
Roxy considered his words. She thought about her life, and about the thesis. She thought about her drive for success and learning, and how every one of those everyday choices—so small by themselves—had built to what she is now. And what that said about her desires. And she thought about how she chose her research assistants and subjects—all young and attractive, and mostly male. But a scattering of truly gorgeous women, too. And she thought about what those everyday choices must mean for her deeper yearnings that she was not even acknowledging. And she thought about how long it had been… She thought about how she projected authority to mask her need for approval and her consistent want for someone to help guide her. Then she thought about how she could embrace that need for approval and desire for guidance. How it could be a strength. In service. In service to Casey. She thought about how comfortable she had become within the walls of academia, but how she had so much more to offer to the wider world than well-funded research for Fortune 50 companies. How she could move outside that comfort zone and help Casey. And she thought about Casey. About submitting. Her old world fell away, her new world re-formed. She embraced the new paradigm, ready to explore and move outside her comfort zone. “I’m ready, Casey. I submit. Tell me what to do.”
Casey gave Roxy simple instructions. “Carry out the rest of the day as normal. Behave normal, forget this even happened. But once you go home, you will . You will that you submitted, but have no idea why. You will read the thesis again and that you must submit to me. You will read it again right before bed, and again first thing in the morning. After reading the thesis, you will get ready for the day as if it were a normal day, breakfast, shower, whatever your normal routine is. Then you will read the thesi one more time and drive to my apartment. Here is the address. I will see you tomorrow morning.”