Positive reinforcement 5
“I forgot my glasses,” Ethan said, walking to the nightstand before either of them could react.
Heidi slowly got off her mother. She ended up on her knees on the floor; her hands searched for something to cover her face.
Sarah didn’t move. Her lips were wet and her blouse was open.
“We were just...” Sarah tried to say, but she couldn’t string the sentence together.
Ethan opened the nightstand drawer. He took out some sunglasses. He put them on slowly, as if he had all the time in the world.
“I’ll be back in a couple of hours, honey,” he said, and smiled.
He left. The hotel door closed with a soft click.
Heidi was still on the floor.
Sarah sat up. She buttoned her blouse as best she could and went out into the hallway, almost tripping over the door frame.
Ethan was in the elevator. He hadn’t gotten in yet.
“It’s not what it looks like,” Sarah said. Her voice came out louder than she wanted.
“What does it look like?” Ethan asked. His tone seemed genuinely confused.
“Heidi and I...”
“Oh, that,” Ethan cut in. “Honey, it’s normal for your relationship to be confused. You’ve been through so many things. Don’t worry.”
Sarah opened her mouth. She couldn’t find any words.
“If you want,” Ethan added, as if offering a coffee, “I can move up the session with Dr. Valery.”
“I don’t know if...”
“Unless you think you’re not confused,” Ethan said. He looked at her steadily. Without anger. Without anything.
Sarah felt the weight of the question in her chest. She opened her mouth again. Closed it.
“No,” she said finally, and her voice trembled. “Yes, I’m confused.”
Ethan nodded. He got into the elevator.
The doors closed.
“Is that all?” Dr. Valery asked after Ethan had told him about the previous day.
“Yes,” Ethan said. Then he looked at the two of them. “Or do you have anything to add, girls?”
Sarah and Heidi hadn’t spoken the entire session. Both were blushing since they heard how he had found them: one on top of the other, with rubs on their lips. That’s what Ethan had decided to call them: rubs, not kisses.
Neither said anything.
Dr. Valery nodded slowly and turned up the volume of the music.
“It’s normal.”
They both looked at each other, confused. Ethan, however, nodded with a hidden smile.
“It’s an adjustment period. I mean, a couple of weeks ago you hated each other to death, right?”
They both nodded.
“And now you’ve learned to love each other, and it’s normal for everything to get mixed up. Although actually I’m not sure it’s a problem...”
“Excuse me...” Sarah asked, confused.
“Tell me, have you ever drunk from a friend’s bottle?”
“Well, yes, but...”
“It’s an exchange of fluids. When you have a bond of trust, you usually do it...”
“I suppose, but...”
“And isn’t your bond, the mother-daughter bond, more powerful than any you could have with another person?”
“Well, I...”
“I think I have the perfect exercise for you.”
“I’m sorry all I had left was lemon,” the doctor said.
“It doesn’t bother me,” Heidi commented. It was her turn to give it a lick.
The two women held the popsicle between them; they were sitting glued to each other on the couch.
“I-I like it,” Sarah said, now licking, making sure to lick the same spot as Heidi.
“I think time is almost up... so I’ll ask you to lick faster, Sarah. Can you lick it all the way down?” asked Dr. Valery.
“Of course she can, she does it all the time and without gagging,” Ethan chimed in, laughing.
Sarah felt the comment like a punch to the stomach. She wanted to say something. She couldn’t find her voice. The music was louder now.
“Go ahead then, Sarah. Just make sure you don’t break it,” the doctor asked.
“Yes,” she said in a whisper.
She opened her mouth. The popsicle went in. She didn’t bite it. Her tongue curved underneath, pushing the ice against her palate. Her lips closed around the thick part of the stick. She sucked.
Heidi watched her fixedly. Sarah’s hand trembled, holding her end.
Sarah moved her head forward. The tip of the popsicle touched the back of her throat. Her eyes watered. She didn’t cough. She pulled it out slowly. Her tongue dragged all the way back, licking every centimeter.
The popsicle glistened. Saliva dripped down the stick onto Sarah’s fingers.
“Excellent, excellent,” the doctor congratulated. “Now you, Heidi.”
As she handed over the popsicle, her fingers touched Heidi’s. They looked at each other for a second.
Heidi brought the popsicle to her mouth. The tip was already soft. She opened her lips. Her tongue came out first, touched the side, where Sarah’s tongue had left a groove. The sensation was warm. Her mother’s saliva was still there. Heidi licked slowly. She felt the sour taste of lemon mixed with something else her mother had left.
“Faster, Heidi,” the doctor said. “It’s not possible for your mother to do it better than you.”
Heidi pushed the popsicle further in. Not all the way, but further than she had ever tried to put anything before. Her lips stretched around the thick part. Her tongue flattened against the ice.
“All the way down,” said Ethan, who was no longer laughing.
Heidi pushed. The tip brushed her uvula. She coughed a little. She pulled the popsicle out. A thread of saliva hung from her lower lip to the edge of the ice. She didn’t wipe it off.
She tried again. She opened her mouth wider. She put the whole popsicle in. The tip touched the back of her throat. Her eyes filled with water. But she didn’t cough.
She stayed like that for a second. Her breathing stopped through her nose. Then she pulled the popsicle out slowly. Her tongue dragged all the way back.
The doctor clapped softly.
“Very good. You see? It’s nothing out of this world.”
Heidi handed the popsicle to Sarah. Their fingers brushed again. The popsicle was smaller now. The surface was completely covered in her saliva and glistening.
Sarah took it, without hesitating for an instant, and put the whole thing in her mouth at once. Her tongue moved quickly, licking everything that was left. She sucked hard. The popsicle dissolved in her mouth.
A small crunch of ice was heard as the last piece broke.
She swallowed.
The popsicle had disappeared. Only the wooden stick remained, wet and empty.
Sarah left it on the table. She looked at Heidi. Heidi looked at her. They both had shiny lips. The same saliva in their mouths.
Ethan coughed. He brought his hand to his mouth. It wasn’t a real cough.
The doctor closed his notebook.
“Good. That’s all for today, but I’ll leave you an exercise to follow all week.”
“I’m back. I brought Crispy Chicken,” Ethan announced.
Footsteps were heard on the floor above; it was Heidi, who loved the food from that place.
When she arrived, she took one of the biggest, crunchiest pieces she could find and bit into it.
“Stop, Heidi. you have to wait for your mom.”
“But...”
“No, Heidi.”
Ethan had turned on the radio, but he didn’t tune in to any station; he put on a cassette with annoying instrumental music.
Her mother took another five minutes to come down. Heidi was still holding the piece of chicken in her hand.
“It smells delicious,” Sarah said as she sat down glued to Heidi. Then, without warning, she bit into Heidi’s chicken. “It tastes delicious,” she said as she handed the chicken back to Heidi.
“I brought orange. Is that okay?”
“Y-Yes...” she replied with the bone in her mouth. When she took it out, the saliva was evident.
Sarah took the bone. She put it in her mouth. There was no meat left. Only what Heidi had left.
Heidi watched her do it. She said nothing.
Ethan uncapped the bottle. He poured it into a single glass. He put it between them.
Sarah drank first. She ed the glass. Her fingers brushed Heidi’s. Heidi drank from the same rim. She left the glass on the table.
No one spoke.
Ethan ate his plate apart. He didn’t look. He didn’t ask. The music played low,
instrumental, the same as in the office.
Sarah took another piece of chicken. She bit it. She put it on Heidi’s plate. Heidi took it. She bit where Sarah had bitten. She returned the rest.
They continued like that. Without speaking. Without looking at each other. Sharing everything.
Ethan cleared the table.
Sarah wiped her mouth with a napkin. Heidi did too. They used the same one.
“How about I take you to the movies?” Ethan asked.
They were both staring at each other. Sarah took a moment to respond.
“Sure...” she only said.
“Do you think that’s okay, Heidi?” Ethan asked.
“Yes,” Heidi said. She didn’t look at Ethan. She kept looking at Sarah.
“Good. There’s a showing in an hour. We can make it.”
Ethan went upstairs to change. Sarah and Heidi stayed in the kitchen. The napkin was still on the table. With the marks of their lips.
“Are we going like this?” Heidi asked.
“Yes,” Sarah said.
The theater was almost empty. Ethan chose the seats in the back. Sarah sat in the middle. Heidi to her right. Ethan to her left.
The lights went out.
The previews started. Explosions. People laughing. Neither of them was watching the screen.
The armrest was up between Sarah and Heidi. Like the other time. The same theater. The same position.
Heidi rested her arm on the armrest. Her hand hanging towards Sarah’s side.
Sarah looked at her. Heidi was watching the screen.
Sarah placed her hand next to Heidi’s. They weren’t touching. They were a centimeter apart.
On the screen, someone said something funny. Ethan laughed. Sarah didn’t. Heidi didn’t either.
Heidi moved her hand. A centimeter. Her fingers brushed Sarah’s.
Sarah didn’t pull away.
Heidi linked her pinky finger with Sarah’s. Just one. The smallest. Nothing more.
They stayed like that. Watching the movie that neither was watching. Pinkies intertwined. The rest of their hands still.
At some point, Heidi brought her other hand to the bucket of popcorn that Ethan had bought. She took one. She brought it to her mouth. She bit it.
Then, without looking at Sarah, she brought her hand to Sarah’s mouth. The popcorn was wet, bitten, drooled on.
Sarah opened her mouth. Heidi put it on her tongue.
Sarah bit, chewed, and swallowed.
Ethan wasn’t looking. He was watching the movie.
Heidi took another popcorn. She bit it. She offered it. Sarah ate it.
They continued like that for several
minutes. Popcorn after popcorn. From Heidi’s mouth to Sarah’s mouth. Without speaking. Without looking at each other. Their pinkies always intertwined.
At one point in the movie, Ethan rummaged in his jacket and took out a small bag. He put it on Sarah’s armrest without saying anything. Inside were chocolates.
Sarah looked at them. Heidi did too.
Sarah took the bag. She opened it carefully. The paper crinkled, but it was muffled by the sound of the movie. She took out a chocolate. It was small, round, with crinkled gold foil on the edges. She unwrapped it slowly.
The chocolate was slightly soft from being in Ethan’s jacket for so long. The surface glistened.
Sarah looked at it. Then she looked at Heidi.
Heidi’s eyes were fixed on the chocolate.
On her mother’s fingers.
Sarah brought the chocolate to her mouth. But she didn’t bite it. She licked it.
Her tongue ed over the entire surface. Slowly. The chocolate melted a little from the . A thin, dark line remained on her lower lip. Sarah wiped it off with the tip of her tongue.
Heidi didn’t blink.
Then, Sarah brought the chocolate to Heidi’s mouth.
She opened her lips.
Sarah put it inside.
The chocolate was warm. Melted. Sarah’s saliva covered it. Heidi closed her mouth and felt it dissolve against her palate. The taste was sweet, but underneath was the taste of her mother. That taste she already knew. That she needed.
She licked the chocolate desperately. Her tongue crushed it against her palate. She moved it from side to side. She sucked hard. The chocolate melted completely. Heidi swallowed.
Sarah hadn’t taken her fingers away.
She still had them inside, holding what was left of the chocolate, now reduced to a dark paste between her fingertips and Heidi’s tongue.
Heidi licked her mother’s fingers. One by one. The index. The thumb. She collected every last bit of chocolate and saliva. She sucked them until nothing was left. Until Sarah’s fingers were clean and wet only from her mouth.
Sarah slowly withdrew them.
Then she reached her hand into the bag. To take out another chocolate.
She licked it again until it was soft.
She brought it to Heidi’s mouth.
Heidi took it. She licked Sarah’s fingers again. With the same urgency. The same need.
Ethan still wasn’t looking. Or so it seemed. He had his head resting on the back of the seat.
They continued like that. Chocolate after chocolate. Popcorn after popcorn. The bag of chocolates slowly emptied. The popcorn bucket too. Sarah’s fingers went in and out of Heidi’s mouth. Heidi’s fingers brushed Sarah’s lips with each popcorn.
When the popcorn was gone and the bag of chocolates was empty, Sarah sucked her own fingers. Slowly. Looking at Heidi.
Heidi had chocolate stains on her lips. Sarah leaned over. She ran her thumb along her daughter’s lower lip. She collected the dark residue. She brought it to her mouth. Licking it.
When the movie ended, the lights came on.
Heidi pulled her hand away.
Sarah did too.
Ethan stretched with a yawn.
“Did you like it?” he asked.
“Yes,” they both said.
Neither knew what the movie had been about.