The Time I Died
Chapter Ten
Hey, Kate here, checking in.
I’m a scaredy cat. You can probably tell that by now. It’s a bad habit, and I’m trying to break it, but most of my life has been nothing but scary moments. I’m hard-wired to jump to the worst conclusions and imagine the worst scenarios, because for a long time, that was usually how things turned out for me.
Until… suddenly things didn’t.
Back when I lived in California, I had a coworker who liked to say that “hope is the one thing stronger than fear.” When I was new, and nervous, and totally unaware that I couldn’t be fired because I was actually working there as a brainwashed assassin, she would find me crying in the break room and say “Kelly, lemme tell you something, hope is the one thing stronger than fear. You have to have hope.”
I never did correct her about my name. I was probably too scared, ha. And I didn’t give that platitude of hers much thought. It was just something she probably got from the side of a coffee mug.
But then I found hope. And suddenly I had hope.
Turns out that it really is the one thing stronger than fear.
July 9
“How was your Fourth, Kate?”
“It was pretty good! The barbecue was huge. Neither of us expected that everyone we invited would show up. I guess the word is out about James and his grill skills! There were people there that I haven’t seen in ages. Even the Delasalles came, which was… a little awkward.”
“Who are they?”
“Neighbors who live down the street. They mostly keep to themselves, and we haven’t seen them since before the accident. Which made it extra fun! Because I couldn’t a single thing about them!
I always see their name on their mailbox when I’m out running, and I think ‘oh yeah, they exist,’ but that’s literally all I knew about them. And then we had the barbecue, and they wandered into the yard. James had to remind me who they were, because I’d completely forgotten what they looked like.
You’ll be proud of me! At first, I was so scared that I froze up. It would have been easy to just let James handle the conversation while I stood there smiling and nodding. And that was initially my plan. But James was cooking a thousand hamburgers, and I didn’t want to pull him away from the grill just for me. Instead… I… well, I decided that I wasn’t going to be -that—Kate. I just walked right up to them and introduced myself, fully prepared to say ‘oh sorry, I lost my memory and I can’t you.’ Trust me, that is such an embarrassing thing to it!”
“Why is that?”
“Amnesia is a little like quicksand. It’s one of those things you see a lot on TV as a kid, but that no one actually explains to you as an adult. People get weirded out by it, and they don’t know how to ‘handle’ you.”
“Did it come up at all?”
“No! Isn’t that ridiculous? It turns out that they’ve been out of the neighborhood loop for so long that they didn’t anyone, either! Marie saw the little flyer I drew and printed up, and she and Jake decided to get out of their house for once. It was fun! They had a great time! And I learned something very, um, therapy-ish?”
“I’ve been caught saying ‘theraperian’ myself, I’ll accept ‘therapy-ish’ as a valid medical term. What did you learn?”
“Maybe not so much a lesson as a reminder. A reminder that I won’t always be Amnesiac Kate, or Brainwashed Slavegirl Kate, or Fucked-Up Kate. I can… I can just be Kate. That’s how people see me now, and every day that es, every year, more and more people will only see me, not those other Kates.
It was a pretty amazing revelation. I’d say it was the second-best backyard barbecue ever, ten out of ten.”
Freeport
They emerged from the restaurant arm-in-arm, Kate firmly bundled up, James with only his dress shirt for protection against the wind coming off the river.
“Woo, it got cold out,” he said. He rubbed his hands together. “Looks like an early fall again this year.”
“If only you’d brought a jacket,” said Kate, smiling.
“You’re my jacket. That’s the whole reason I got married.”
“I think a coat is cheaper than a wife.”
“But not nearly as pretty,” he countered.
He slid his arm down to her waist, pulling her closer, to her delight. It was ten blocks to the parking garage, and she intended to milk every moment of it. She briefly considered leaving her car overnight and riding home with James, but that was a pain in the ass—he would have to drive her back downtown the next morning to retrieve it. No, she would have to settle for a few blocks with him, before they went home and dove back into the day-to-day life of domesticity.
And… the other thing.
Which she’d put off for the entire dinner.
“Point taken,” she replied, even as her mind wandered elsewhere.
July 16
“He’s too trusting, sometimes. I know his heart’s in the right place, but…”
“Why does that concern you?”
“Because the world isn’t safe! Because cute college girls aren’t the only ones out there getting hypnotized and brainwashed. What’s to stop someone from sweeping him off the street, throwing him into a van, and turning him into… me?”
“, Kate, successful cases of outright mind control are very rare. Especially the kind of control you’re envisioning. James is far more likely to be hit by lightning than be brainwashed, and he’s far far more likely than that to live the rest of his life in peace and quiet.
I mention lightning because I’ve had patients who were afraid of being hit by lightning. The odds are quite literally a million to one. And the odds of being ‘zapped’ fatally are ten million to one.”
“But, I was…”
“I have no idea what ten million to one times ten million to one works out to, Kate, but you have to it that the odds are astronomical. And, I’m sorry. I cut you off. Please, continue.”
“I was going to point out that I was kidnapped and brainwashed twice. So, what are the odds of that?”
“Still extraordinarily low. And, that reminds me of a conversation we had a few weeks ago, about the biggest fight you’ve ever had with your husband.”
March 2018
“Take it slow, Kate,” she reminded herself, before releasing her hold on the bedroom door frame and pushing herself in the direction of the bathroom. Five feet never felt so much like five miles.
At least I can move today, she thought, and that much was true. Just being anything close to vertical was a major victory after a weekend of bedrest and nausea. The toilet beckoned, and for the first time since Friday, she would be sitting on it, rather than kneeling before it.
Kate was feeling a lot better. Her sinuses were no longer trying to split her head apart, and her stomach was feeling more like a stomach and less like a tumble dryer. Still… slow.
She lingered on the toilet, scrolling through her phone, catching up on the weekend. Five missed calls—one from James; two marked by her phone as ‘scam likely’; two more tagged ‘unknown caller’ but just as spammy as the other.
She eased herself into a standing position, flushing the toilet with one hand while scrolling through social media with the other. Here, she’d clearly missed nothing of importance, only endless iterations of craft and cooking videos. Meanwhile, Claire had posted a new ‘vacation bikini’ post; it already had 78 likes and 23 comments, all very flattering. Kate shook her head, then wished that she hadn’t—her sinuses still did not like being sloshed around like that.
Setting the phone on the edge of the sink, she leaned forward towards the mirror, mouth open and tongue out, trying to allow enough light down her throat to see if everything was still stoplight red down there. Satisfied that things seemed to be getting better inside her body, too, she righted herself and pulled her t-shirt over her head, brushing stray hair away from her eyes. If she could at least get herself dressed for the day, she could probably get a few things done, maybe even check a few work emails…
Bzzz bzzz bzzz “Unknown Number.”
She swept the phone to her ear before she even realized she was doing it. “Hell… um… hello?”
“Hello Kate.”
She shuddered. Something about the voice on the other end made her want to scurry back to her bed and hop in, head tucked tightly beneath the covers. Instead, she soldiered on. “I’m sorry, but my car really doesn’t need a new extended warranty.”
“Are you tired of the Weltschmerz?”
Her mouth dropped open, and a soft “yes” fell out.
“Are you alone?”
“Yes. I am alone, and ready for instruction.”
July 16
“The one where he thought I was cheating on him?”
“Yes. If I recall, James thought that you were always traveling for work because you were having an affair, when in reality it was Decker calling you and forcing you to do work for him.”
“That was fucking awful. It’s still awful. And… and! It’s part of the Great Blackness, right? That whole trip and that whole fight is a blank for me. And that makes it ten times worse.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what’s true and not true about it. Obviously, I trust James when he tells me had that fight, and what the fight was about. But neither of us know whether he was right about me cheating on him. We just know that Decker put me into a trance and programmed me to do something. And to forget about it after, same as always.
Doctor Kapoor and I have tried to dredge it up, but… it’s gone. Just… gone, poof. Blackness. I’d love to be able to say that I was ordered to go to Albuquerque, or… Bosnia, whatever, and cook the books for one of Decker’s buddies. Because then I’d know, we’d both know that I’d been faithful to my husband. Instead, I’ll never know. And when you love someone that much, not knowing is the worst feeling on Earth.”
March, 2018
“This. Is. Nuts,” said James, his hand slapping the steering wheel with each word. “This. Is. Nuts. I. Am. Nuts!”
He was nuts. What else could he be, playing hooky from work, driving down the Interstate at ten in the morning on a Wednesday, carefully trailing his wife’s car as she made her way to…
The airport?
Okay, she was headed in that direction. That didn’t mean that it was her destination, right?
Up ahead, the Honda switched from center to right lane. James slid behind a pickup truck and kept pace. His mind was racing faster than either of them. Where the fuck are you going, Kate? Airport Park? Glendale? Sunrise Valley? That trailer park on Tower Road?
Or she’s just going to the airport, you idiot. You’re crazy. This is crazy!
Only it wasn’t crazy. There was absolutely no reason for Kate to just up and head for the airport. None. Whenever Kate traveled for work, she always had him look up airfares for her. “You’re the best travel agent in the world,” she would tell him. “If you worked for us, we’d save so much money!”
And yet here she was, driving ‘to the airport’ on a ‘last-minute’ work trip to New Mexico, of all places. Airfare was taken care of, she assured him. The hotel, too. “Just a couple of days, James. You know how it is.”
“You’re still sick,” he’d pointed out. “Martin told me you were fine to take a few days off! What the hell happened?”
She had an answer ready for him, something about someone else quitting unexpectedly and a client demanding that Kate and her ‘team’ take that person’s place in Albuquerque, but none of it felt real. It felt… rehearsed? Practiced? As if she was reading from a script?
Who the FUCK is he, he wondered, feeling angry and hurt. A coworker? A client? Someone she met at a bar? God, was it some he knew?
“It’s Boston all over again,” he told himself. “She just up and heads off, top secret work conference, airfare’s paid for. Oh, and I’ll bring back a keychain! Love you!”
Bullshit. It was bullshit. Either she was flying back to Boston to hook up with this guy again, or the travel thing was completely a sham, and she was headed to a motel in town to fuck him.
Or, she’s going to the airport. Come on, man! You know how shitty her boss is! Are you really not going to trust her? What kind of husband are you?
“A careful one,” he answered. He tightened his grip on the wheel.
Overhead signs began to announce the turnoff for Freeport International, first in two miles, then in one, then in 500 feet. ing the latter, Kate used her turn signal and merged into the exit lane.
Five car lengths behind, a stubborn and suspicious James did the same.
July 16
“The reason that I wanted to bring it up is because it really sums up the complexity of trust. Although I also recognize that it’s a painful memory, Kate, so we can talk about something else if you prefer.”
“No, it’s… it is what it is. Or was what it was. What it might have been. Gah! I’m babbling again. Please proceed.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s… Doctor Claire’s orders, right? Let the past be the past. Let’s do that.”
“Okay, let’s do that for now.
Your husband trusts you, true. It could be that he’s very trusting of most people. There are people out there who take advantage of us trusting folks, but they’re generally interested in our money, not our minds.
Consider this. When that was going on, James knew you well enough to know that something wasn’t right, and he was suspicious enough that he decided to look into it. Was it a good idea for him to jump straight to ‘my wife must be cheating on me?’ No. But at the time, he didn’t know that mind control was a real thing, or that you were a victim of it. In that context, jumping to conclusions is a little more forgivable.”
“No! I would never cheat… I would never, ever… fuck! Fuck fuck fuck! See, this is why I still have that guilt in my bones, Doc. Because I might have cheated. Decker used my past against me in so many ways. Was I brainwashed by a cult? Easy to brainwash me to obey him. Was I bouncing from bed to bed in college? Easy to condition me to accept fucking and killing random guys, and God knows what else.”
March 2018
He had no idea if cops and secret agents actually tailed people the way he was tailing Kate, but James was increasingly confident in his ability to successfully become one or the other. From highway to garage to terminal, he’d kept her in sight without her once seeing him.
She was on her way to security now, printed paper tickets in hand, exactly the way he himself traveled when his company was footing his airfare. Kate didn’t duck into any shops along the way, not even for coffee, which surprised him. She was all business, no time for leisure, just the way someone being dragged to an unexpected work conference would be expected to act.
Back at the kiosks, though…
Having followed Kate to check-in, James briefly saw his worst fears come true. It was a horrible, world-ending, agonizing moment. A man, no older than James, approached Kate as she stood in front of one of the check-in kiosks. They began to chat. Kate, gregarious as always, smiled broadly and began gesturing and pointing in various directions. The man laughed and grinned and kept his attention squarely on Kate. He stood uncomfortably close to her.
James waited. And waited. His hands curled into fists. He had to talk himself out of walking over there and slugging the guy in the jaw.
But then, instead of leaning in for a kiss, or an embrace, or a grope, the stranger backed away, laughing at something Kate had said. He pointed at something James couldn’t see, and Kate nodded her approval. Then the man was gone, walking in the direction of whatever he had pointed at, his pace increasing as he got further away. Kate, meanwhile, had gone right back to her original task, poking at a kiosk touchscreen and calmly collecting what it spit out.
You’re an idiot, he chided himself. Of course Kate’s going to give a guy directions on where to go! She knows this place like the back of her hand by now.
At the security checkpoint he watched as his wife hefted her carryon and placed it into one of the plastic bins. It was easy to forget how strong Kate was, in spite of her tiny frame. How many wheelbarrows of dirt she could move or how long she could stand on her hands whenever they attempted that position she was so into.
She loves you. She’s been in love with you since the day you met her. What are you doing here?
Shoes, overcoat, and purse went into a second bin. She waited patiently in a short line at the metal detector. He couldn’t see her face, but her body language betrayed no giddy excitement, or nervousness, or shame. Just a bored acceptance of the hassles of air travel, exactly like everyone around her.
She’s so beautiful. She was so fucking beautiful, even from a distance and facing away from him. Never in a million years would he ever find another Kate Pendleton, not even if he scoured the earth for a replacement. She was beautiful, kind, and smart, and she loved him.
And in less than a hundred hours she would be coming back to him, throwing her arms around him, handing him the souvenir keychain they both knew she was going to buy. They would laugh, and kiss, and he would make dinner for her, before they dashed upstairs to make love until the early hours of the morning.
He looked down at the gold ring, and reminded himself of what it meant to both of them. Of their vows, their commitment, their trust.
When he looked up again, Kate was just barely in sight beyond the security equipment, collecting her things.
“I love her,” he said, to her, to himself, to anyone walking by. “I’m sorry, Katie-Bear. See you soon.”
“What will you do when you reach Albuquerque?”
She faced the bathroom mirror, staring deep into her empty, sleepy green eyes. “When I exit the plane, I will proceed directly to the airport chapel. I will wait there until given further instructions.”
“Repeat your activation phrase.”
“They say that true salvation is found within.”
“Correct. When you hear that phrase, you will obey the speaker utterly and without hesitation.”
“Utterly,” she said to her naked reflection. “Without hesitation.”
July 16
“Kate, I want you to imagine a world in which it was James that got kidnapped and brainwashed, not you. Imagine if everything that happened with you had instead happened to him, and that he was made to fall in love with you. The two of you get married, and you learn that Decker has been brainwashing him and ordering him to do things. Maybe that includes sleeping with other women. How would you feel?”
“I would have fucking killed him. Decker, that is. Immediately! No tricks, no secretly-recorded tapes, no deals, just a straight-up bullet to the head. I wouldn’t hesitate a millisecond.”
“And why?”
“Because he… oh, I see what you’re getting at! Because he was the one pulling the strings, right? I wouldn’t blame James, because he wouldn’t even realize or what he did. It would all be Decker’s doing!”
“Exactly. And the same applies in reverse. We’ll never know for certain what Decker forced you to do, Kate. You and I have different theories, and either of us might be correct. But when all is said and done, he always pulled the strings, and made very sure that you never pulled a single one yourself.
And as we’ve discussed in the past, you can apply that to everything you did as a part of Golden Dawn, too. You wouldn’t blame Nikki for helping Michael to brainwash you, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for helping to brainwash others. In the end, we can only accept responsibility for the things we’re responsible for.”
Freeport
They said nothing to each other for the first two blocks, even when they missed the walk signal on Fourth and had to wait for traffic to clear before continuing. Kate was mildly surprised to see so many people still out and about. She had to remind herself that while Freeport wasn’t Los Angeles, it still bustled now and then.
She chuckled. Was she really a suburban gal now? To the point where even a small downtown was ‘bustling’ to her? Had they really spent that much of their time doing things around the house, in the suburbs, like every other middle class couple she’d ever seen or read about?
Apparently so, Kate. Apparently so.
James heard her chuckle, and gently squeezed her hand. “You didn’t finish your story,” he said.
“Hmm?”
“The, uh, that woman you met today. Michelle Whatshername. From college?”
“Oh, right!”
Oh boy.
July 23
“Who is Kate Pendleton, Kate? Who is she today?”
“I wish I knew.”
“I think you do. I really do, Kate. Give it a try. We’ve talked about Kate Thomas, and Golden Dawn Kate, and Decker Kate. But you’re not any of those Kates now. So describe to me the real Mrs. Kate Pendleton. What sort of person is she?”
“She’s… hmm. Well, on that note, she’s a good wife.”
“Let’s start with that. Why is she a good wife?”
“Because she cares. Because she knows what she has, and what she didn’t have before, and she works hard to keep it. She’s not going to take it for granted. If there’s a problem that pops up, she’s ready to solve it, or fix it, or at least discuss it. She’s best friends with her husband and it makes her so happy when he’s happy. And she laughs because sure, people say that they would die for their spouse, but…”
“But you really were!”
“I really was! I would die for that man! And I know he’d do the same for me, because he nearly did! I guess what I’m saying is that the best way to truly test your marriage is to turn one of you into a hypnotized sleeper spy. Right?”
“Among… many ways, sure, I guess! I would probably recommend a safer, less complicated approach next time, though. Something that doesn’t involve any hypnosis whatsoever, or any actual threat of death.
But more seriously, back to you, Kate. The question on the table is: who is Kate Pendleton? We agree that she is a good wife. She’s not a mother yet, but we both think that she’ll be an excellent one. Is she a good person?”
“I know what kind of answer you’re fishing for.”
“I’m more interested in the kind of answer you’re prepared to offer.”
“I don’t like to brag about myself. That’s something Aunt Eileen drilled into me when I was a kid. ‘If you have to tell people you’re great, Kate, then you’re probably not.’ It’s always stuck with me. James is kinda the same way, and I like that about him.”
“If you channeled your inner Claire…”
“Ha! Oh my God. Well in that case, I’m hot, and I know it!”
“That does sound like something Claire would say. What else?”
“Umm… what else would she say? That… I’m a brave badass who took down an entire conspiracy! That my blowjobs are legendary. That I can still drink you under the table, or at least follow you down there, shot for shot. That I use both sides of my brain. I can do our taxes on Monday and design a greeting card on Tuesday. I’m loyal to my friends and I love my husband more than anyone has ever loved anything.”
“That’s pretty good! But it sounds like you’re having trouble accepting all of those things yourself. Consider that for a moment. When you went through that list of attributes, how many of them were things that Claire has said to you, and how many were things that you came up with just now, on your own?”
“Well, the… ugh, I’m embarrassed to say that the blowjob thing is a Claire thing. And a James thing, the butt.”
“But everything else?”
“Claire always always always reminds me that I’m a sexy badass cosplaying as a humble housewife. Which… oh, if she knew, right?”
“Well, we’ll assign that to her, even if she doesn’t know the full truth. That still leaves the Kate who is talented, and loyal, and loving, and… able to drink anyone under the table.”
“That is a talent, you have to it.”
“It is, and I’m glad to see that you’re also itting it. Just don’t tell that to your primary care physician. Dr. Alonso would not be as pleased as I am.”
“This is why I like you. You keep my best secrets to yourself.”
“So, is that Kate Pendleton, Kate? Talented, loyal, loving?”
“I’d really love to be able to tell you who I am. Maybe I can tell you what I am. An artist, a lover, a friend. But is Kate awesome? Is she the best person ever? I know she’s not. We all know that she’s not. And no matter how great she is going forward, she started off way, way behind.”
“You don’t have to be the best person ever. It’s not a question of whether Kate Pendleton is the greatest person who ever lived. Mother Theresa probably has you beat on that. But if you were me, and you met yourself, what would you think? What would you tell people?”
Freeport
“Michelle was a year behind me,” Kate explained as they walked. “I didn’t have any classes with her, but she and I were in the same major and we had the same professors.”
“Is that how you met her?”
After I hypnotized her, sure. “I hy… tutoring. Tutoring! Her, uh, her grades were terrible. She was about to fail Econ 301, if I . And now… she does tax credit financing.”
“Well, that’s inspiring, right? Is she married? Kids, all of that?”
“Husband, no kids.”
The answer seemed to satisfy his curiosity, and James asked no follow-up questions. They resumed their silent stroll, arms locked, James somehow resisting the temptation to lean into Kate for the extra warmth. The wind was dying down, the sun now completely vanished behind the hills.
They were just about to start the short, steep climb up Post Street when James spoke again. He looked straight ahead, as if he were conversing as much with himself and the sidewalk as with her.
“I like it when you say that,” he said.
The question caught her off guard. “Hmm? Say what?”
“When you say that you stuff. I’m glad. I know how much it bugs you sometimes, not being able to.”
“Oh! Well, you can thank Disha for most of it.”
“I guess.” They continued walking, yellow and red leaves crunching beneath their feet. “You still go to see her twice a month, though. That’s all you.”
“I guess.”
“Guessing is what we do best.” He made a ridiculous face, and she playfully swatted at him.
“Guess what?” she asked.
“What?”
“You’re a butt.”
He snickered. “My wife, she is not so good with ze jokes.”
“Your wife, she is tres sexy though, no?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome. I had to sell my soul to the Devil, but I got the better deal out of it.”
“You’re a dork.”
“You love it. You love it when I’m dorky. it it.”
She smiled. “I do.”
She did.
July 23
“Let’s suppose that I am a mind reader. I’m not, in case you were wondering. But let’s say that I was. You’re in my body, you’re meeting yourself for the first time, and you can reach into Kate’s head and see everything she sees, and hear everything she thinks. Secrets, warts, and all. What then?”
“She’s… trying? She’s trying really hard! She knows that the universe handed her the most ridiculously improbable salvation, not just from slavery but from everything that led up to it. She’s so used to being scared and angry that not being scared and angry kinda makes her, well, scared and angry.
But now that she has agency, and free will? She can channel those scared and angry feelings into something positive. I can raise a family. I can grow old, and retire, and become a grandmother, and have a 50th wedding anniversary.
So, I guess the answer to your question isn’t the answer you were looking for. Is Kate a good person? I don’t know. But Kate has seen evil, lots and lots of real, genuine evil, and she knows she’s not that. And she’ll fight like hell to make sure that it never, ever threatens her or her loved ones ever again.
If you could read my mind, Doctor Straud, I think you would read that. And even if you didn’t like my laugh, or my politics, or whatever, you’d know that I would give everything I have to protect you from the evil in this world.”
“That sounds like a good person to me.”
“I guess it does, doesn’t it?”
Freeport
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he offered.
She nodded. “You were a Scout, after all.”
The elevator smelled like urine and was prone to making unhealthy grinding noises, so they opted for the stairs. Kate took the lead, James trailing.
“What would an anti-Scout do in this situation?” he asked.
“Me? The anti-Scout? I’d probably shove you into the elevator and steal your car.” She reached her floor and came to a halt, trying to which half of the garage contained her Honda. James, unprepared for the interruption, collided with her at the top of the stairs.
“Oh! Sorry hun!” He pointed to his left. “I’m on the left. Are you…”
“Left.” A pause. “Left? Left.”
It took ten minutes to track down the Honda, and Kate let out a triumphant whooop when they turned a corner and found it tucked away next to a pillar. “I should have said right. I knew I should have said right.”
“It’s always a toss-up,” he reassured her. “Hey, can you drive me back to my car? I got lucky and snagged a corner spot. Easy to find.”
It was perfect timing, and a perfect spot, and a captive audience of sorts. Still Kate waited until James was belted in and they were beginning to circle back to his Nissan before she spoke. She was nervous. She wasn’t sure if she had to be.
“Um, so…”
“Yeah, right up here, just go straight until the end.”
“No, what I meant to say was… when we, uh, when we were talking about Michelle earlier, I didn’t tell you the most important part about her. And me.”
They reached his Nissan. James unbuckled but kept the door closed. He twisted in his seat to face her, saying nothing. Kate hoped to see something in his eyes—suspicion, fear, hell, even curiosity—but in the darkness of the parking garage she saw only shadows.
He said nothing, so she continued. “She was in Golden Dawn with me. She was one of the bikini girls.”
“Oh.”
“I thought it was weird to tell you, but then…”
“No, no!” James cracked the enger door open, just enough to trigger the dome light, enough so that Kate could see his face. His eyes were their usual pretty selves, kind and calm, they sort of eyes she could stare into all night long. Eyes that weren’t hypnotic or mesmerizing, just… beautiful. Her earlier nervousness melted away.
“It’s not weird at all,” James continued. “I kind of assumed that she was? When you said that you were tutoring her… I you saying that he used to use that as an excuse to lure those girls into the cult.”
She bit her lip, embarrassed. “I forgot I told you about that.”
“Please, please don’t worry about it, hun. I know that guilty look. You were brainwashed the whole time! And she probably doesn’t even it!”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“When we started this journey, I promised you that I would never judge you for anything you did back then. And I won’t. Those are all just memories now. They can’t hurt us.”
“Okay.” She choked back a sniffle. “Scouts honor?”
“Scout’s honor, Kate. Always.”
“Kay.”
He swung the door fully open and slid out of his seat, keys in hand. The Nissan chirped and flashed its lights at them. He was about to shut the door when she raised her hand. “James… one more thing?”
“Hun, it’s… it’s getting late. We should talk about this at the house, not here. Stay up late on the couch, hot chocolate and blankets?”
“It’s a date,” she promised him. “See you in a few minutes.”