The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

Everyone in it is 18+ and everyone outside should be as well. Time for the big finish, even though the climax of the story was last chapter. Thanks to everyone who read this over the last year or so.

Spellbinders Saga

By Arthur N. Owen

Volume IV: The Wilson War, Final Chapter: End of Watch

David Wilson awakened in his bed, with a beautiful woman on either side of him. This was a first for him, as after every previous multi-way he’d participated in, he had to send at least one of the girls home at the end after wiping her/their memories. But this time, Penelope Simmons not only would everything she had done with him and Kelly, but she had remained overnight.

It had been the first three-way either he or Kelly had been in where everyone would it afterwards, and the first that Penelope could period, though her memories of the previous ones had been restored a few months ago. It was also the first sex of any variety he and Kelly had since the day her family had returned to San Francisco, well over a month ago. This was the longest hiatus they’d had in the entire time they’d been together, suring even the winter break of senior year in college.

David preferred sex with a truly willing partner to one who was hypnotically commanded to participate, and two willing partners made this the best he’d ever had! Kelly still rated Penelope as one of their best bed-buddies (despite the fact that she considered Penelope the closest thing she had to a romantic rival), and considered it the best she’d had since the four-way with Kat and Beth during her pregnancy. For Penelope, it was even better than the ones she had recently been allowed to , which were better than anything she’d had otherwise.

They had gone through the usual positions they had done with Penelope in Coital Court; presenting her “oral arguments” to Kelly while David made a “motion”, then Kelly made a motion (via the magic strap-on) while the lovely lawyer presented her oral arguments to David, and finally a double motion. And then came the positions that David hadn’t actually created codes for. First was Kelly eating out Penelope while David thrust into her, then a 2-69 with David in Penelope’s ass (Kelly had been there for the double penetration), and finally a pair of Devil’s Triangles, the first (and second) that David had ever been a part of-first David pleasuring Penelope, pleasuring Kelly, pleasuring David and then the reverse. Penelope had been programmed with Doublemint as well.

“Well that was the best I’ve ever had.” said David.

“Hard to argue with that one.” added Kelly. “And I find it difficult to believe I’ll reach that level again!”

“Seconded. On both counts.” finished Penelope. “Especially since this was the last time you two will ever have me. It has to be.“

“Why?” asked David and Kelly at once.

“Because I will always be the third wheel in this ride, David. Every reason you had for cutting me off was valid. And even with complete disclosure between each other and your father, this is unsustainable. I know now that you will never look at me the way you look at Kelly, and I can’t live with just being your second choice, as enjoyable as that is.“

“I hate to it it, but she’s right.” said Kelly with a sigh. “Whether she knows the truth or not, this isn’t fair to her.”

“I respect your decision.” said David. “I hope we can still be friends.”

“So do I.” said Penelope. “And once I find someone, I might want to appoint a new judge for Coital Court.”

“When that happens, and I have every confidence it will, I’ll see what I can do.”

They got dressed, showered and went downstairs, only to find Steven fucking Tori from behind on the edge of the kitchen table, his pants at his ankles and her skirt hiked up. “I would like to let the record show that it was her idea.” said Steven.

“I don’t know whether or not that’s better.” said Kelly.

“It’s not better.” said Tori. “I never tried this before, since most guys I’ve been with are a lot stronger than Steven, so I wouldn’t risk it on my own kitchen table, but I was curious. This is going to give me back pains on the plane ride home.“

“And yet you are still going through with it?” asked David.

“I promised him this if he ate me out, and I’m a woman of my word. In for a penny, in for a pound, or should I say, a pounding!“

“JACKPOT!” shouted Steven, Tori squealing right behind him.

As soon as they separated, David thrust a spray bottle into Steven’s hands and paper towels into Tori’s. “Nobody eats till you’ve cleaned up after yourselves!”

“I regret nothing!” said Steven as he began to clean.

“I’m feeling a bit regretful.” said Tori as she winced. “Any chance of some hypno-painkillers?”

“NO!” said David and Kelly at once.

“Oh come on! Sis, I know that you and David did the exact same thing the day you moved in!“

“No we didn’t!” snapped Kelly. “It was missionary position, and I was fully on the table.”

“Well, there goes my appetite.” said Penelope. “I’ll just get breakfast at Dunkin Donuts.” With that, she left.

“Did we just cock-block you?” asked Steven.

“No, if only because she already did that before we came down.” answered David.

“And this time, she’s out of our bed for good! Now all we’ve got left is your secretary.” added Kelly.

Tori rolled her eyes. “And you say I have messed up priorities. David can’t do his job anymore, so can she still be considered his secretary?“

“That’s an interesting point.” said David. “I’ve been giving Arlene paid leave for the last month and a half, even though I haven’t had a client since then! And now that I’ve lost my license, there isn’t going to be another client!“

Kelly sighed. “Hard to argue with that one. You may have avoided prison, but you’ve still been outed hypnotizing people against their will. No one will trust you for a long time, if ever. And since people know what part I played, I doubt the gym will take me back. At least not under my married name...“

“I’m going to talk to her on Monday. I’m probably going to have to cancel my lease on the office as well as fire her.”

“So what will we do for money? I’m going to look for work, but you’re the one who brought home most of our bacon.“

“The only other marketable skills I have are computer hacking and stock trading. Neither of which are a good fit for a guy who was this close to going to prison!“

Tori interjected. “Too bad Malcolm had to surrender all that money. It would have been yours once he keels over.”

Steven countered. “Even if he hadn’t liquidated everything, whatever was left would be frozen or held by the attorney.“

“And I never wanted to be Malcolm’s heir.” said David. “As I said at the trial, I never would have left his service if I cared about the inheritance.”

“Well, sure, but would you really say no to thirty billion dollars and a million gorgeous obedient women!?” asked Kelly.

“The money, I’d take. The hot women would be on a case-by-case basis.”

“Dibs on Livvie Domingo!” said Tori, which got a glare from her sister.

Steven’s response to that was. “Okay, I’ll have Marianne Everest. We can switch off if we get bored.” This earned a glare from not his brother, but Tori herself. Everyone at the table knew that even if he had the opportunity, Steven would never want any woman more than the alluring ant he already had, who was (or at least should have been) more than enough woman for any man who had her. In addition, Tori had never shown any attraction to another woman, with Livvie Domingo as the exception for the sole reason that Tori was such a big fan of hers.

“Please don’t mention the celebrities.” said David. “Do you know how many of them were on suicide watch after the Snap?”

“Too many.” said Tori. “And the one Steven mentioned was at the top of the list.“

Steven immediately sensed a need to change the subject and asked. “When’s your flight?”

“We should leave in an hour.” answered Tori. “What are you two doing today?”

“After we get Eliza back from David’s parents, we’re going to prison.” answered Kelly. After a weird look and a brief awkward silence from Steven and Tori, she finished, “To visit.“

“Malcolm clearly was interested in the outcome of the trial. I need to tell him how it went.” continued David.

“Count me out.” said Steven. “I know he’s my uncle too, but unlike you I never met the version you knew before all this, the one who had something resembling a soul. All I can see when I look at him is Grandpa’s ghost and how he was leering at Tori.“

“I know you’ll be busy.” said Kelly. Then she smirked and continued. “Busy booking a new flight for Tori after she misses her next one because you two were fucking in the bathroom!”

Tori looked a bit upset. “First off, I didn’t miss that flight, just the first boarding announcement. And second, it was with my boyfriend at the time, who was going on the plane with me!“

David smirked too. “What, the Mile High Club wasn’t good enough?”

Kelly answered. “They ed on the flight there, this was the flight back.”

“I guess our confidentiality pact is forever voided.” said Tori with a sigh.

“Dad, Holly and Rebecca know all my secrets now, it isn’t fair that I still have to keep yours. Besides, I have no secrets from David excluding the ones about you anyway.“

Steven interjected. “If you are trying to turn me off of Tori, it’s having the exact opposite effect. All you did was give me a few fun ideas.” Tori smirked, then Steven did as well as they shared yet another conspiratorial look.

David smirked again. “I told you she didn’t need hypnosis for my brother.“

Tori smirked even wider. “Funny you should bring that up...”

Kelly groaned. “Can we please drop this subject? At least our parents want as little to do with this shit as possible. Tori, you knowing everything is ending up worse than keeping it all from you. Are all of our conversations going to be like this now?“

The others said, simultaneously. “Afraid so.”

After saying their goodbyes, both groups departed at the same time. When David saw Malcolm at the visitor’s area, he was more restrained than last time, with only one of his hands free to hold the receiver and three guards instead of one supervising him. Clearly his “testimony” had not gone over well with the warden. The first thing David said was “Was it worth it?”

Malcolm’s answer was. “You’re out there instead of in here, you tell me.“

“I can’t say if it helped. I also blamed you for what happened to Paterno, and said I did everything because you terrified me. It’s true, but not the whole truth.“

“How’s Regina?”

“No better than she was the last time you saw her. Did you know Louise’s family let her die?”

“No, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Louise Streeter died when they thought she did and mourned her, years ago. I should know, I killed her. What was left to expire was Lulu Rhodes.“

“Before the Battle of the Bulge-in-Pants, I would have guessed that’s the worst thing you did.”

“Nothing worse comes to mind, no, and I’ve had a lot of time to contemplate it. I suppose the closest contender is Gerald Stein’s fate, and most people would believe he deserved it if they knew what I know about him.“

“Most people probably believe he deserved it not knowing what you know, just what was already known. But it shouldn’t have been your call.“

“We controllers work on a different set of rules then the rest of the world. We police our own to keep our secrets, and Stein was drawing too much of the wrong kind of attention. You know that. That’s part of why I accepted my punishment-if you get exposed, you don’t flip. You take as much blame onto yourself as you can to cauterize the wound, so the others remain secret.”

“The rules need to change. After Griffith Park and your sentence, there is no curtain of ignorance to hide behind anymore. Bolton may have missed his shot at me, but that doesn’t mean he’s done aiming.”

“Yes, the rules for controllers are going to change, that much is inevitable now. One rule is going to supersede all others.“

“What rule is that?”

“The oldest rule of all. Survival of the fittest. And after taking me down, you’re the new apex predator in this environment.“

“I don’t want to be the apex predator.”

“Too bad. You made yourself a target, and the only way out is losing. And in our world, losses are very final, as Stein’s and Paterno’s fates as well as my position should demonstrate.“

“You’ve lost everything, and I bear so much responsibility for it, yet not only are you offering me advice, you defended me in court!”

“Because I’ve lost everything, I have nothing to lose by eating your sins. The settlement bankrupted me, and I’m serving life without parole in a state with no death penalty, so it’s not like they can penalize me further. As I’ve said multiple times, you’re the closest thing I have, or ever will have, to a son, with genetics now backing that up. And what father wouldn’t make that kind of sacrifice for his child?“

David said. “Funny you should mention fathers and children. There’s someone I want you to meet.” He signaled Kelly, waiting in the lobby. She came in with Eliza in her arms. Taking the little girl, he said “This is my daughter, and your great niece, Eliza Amanda Wilson. Eliza, this is your Uncle Malcolm.”

“Ma..cum...” said the baby as she put her hand against the glass barrier. A tear streamed down Malcolm’s cheek as he brought his own hand to the other side of the barrier.

“She’s beautiful.” said Malcolm.

“That’s the prevailing opinion.” agreed Kelly with a smirk. “Other reviewers have said ‘adorable’ and ‘cute’.”

“I was thinking those things as well. I haven’t been this enamored this quickly with anyone besides Regina.” Suddenly realizing the implications of what he said, especially in regards to a baby in front of her parents, Malcolm quickly added. “In a completely familial way!“

David added. “Honestly, we felt the same way the first time we saw her, and she wasn’t nearly as presentable then.“

“And all of my and David’s families had the exact same reaction!” said Kelly. “Even my stepmom and brother-in-law, who have no blood connection to her.”

Malcolm said. “I’m not surprised. And such a lovely name, it reminds me of my father. I refer to Elijah Masterson III. Even knowing what I know now, I still consider him my father, since he put the effort in and saw me as a son, not a tool.“

“I don’t blame you.” said David. “The sons Knees Wilson did raise don’t consider him much of a father either.“

“And he’d be turning in his grave if he knew what you two did with his scheme.” added Kelly. “Oh right, he did know.“

Malcolm said. “Regardless of what you or I did afterwards, recruiting you was the best decision I ever made. And I say that not knowing if it even was my decision.“

“And I’m glad I said yes, because I wouldn’t have gotten Kelly otherwise, to say nothing of the other benefits.” David handed Eliza back to her mother. “I’ll be back to visit soon. You’re family now, I won’t abandon you.“

“I won’t abandon you either. Any of you.” said Malcolm. David and Kelly then left. Eliza peeked over her mother’s shoulder and waved. Malcolm waved back, crying.

Two days later, David was back at the office for the first time in over two months. When he entered, Arlene was standing in front of her desk with a stern expression on her beautiful face. “I know what you’ve been doing all this time, Mr. Wilson.”

David didn’t bother to correct her, since the years of lies trumped any familiarity they should have had. “You and everyone else in Los Angeles, and a significant number of people elsewhere.”

“When you told me you were coming in today, I almost didn’t come. But I have to know what you did to me, since by now, everyone else knows what you did to them. And if you say nothing, I’m suing.“

“Message received, and you’ll get your answers. However, I think show is better, and more efficient, than tell, with your permission.”

“Do it. But touch me in any way and I’ll see you in court!”

“Duly noted. And you’re not the first to pick this option. You may want to go into the office and lie down before we start. This will get... intense.”

“Sorry, it’s occupied. You have clients.”

“How is that possible?”

“Said they were repeat business.”

“That also never happens. Tell me their names.“

“Miller and Ramirez. Both female. One looks like Jenna Ortega and...”

“I know who they are and why they’re here. This will probably take a while.”

Arlene sat down at her desk. “Then send me down Memory Lane in the meantime. It’s not like anyone else is going to stop by today.”

David locked the front door. “You’re probably right. Arlene into me.”

“Arlene... overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...” she said as her eyes slammed shut and her head slumped forward.

“Arlene, when I enter the inner office and close the door, you will begin to and experience all of the performance reviews you have been told to forget, in chronological order. Do you understand?”

“Yes... sir...” said the spellbound secretary. David went into the other room. While he hadn’t told Arlene to open her eyes, the moment the door closed, they opened on their own and they opened wide...

David knew from past experience that Arlene would soon be making a lot of noise, but his office was soundproof and even it wasn’t, he doubted Abigail Miller and Raven Ramirez would mind that kind of background noise. The first thing he asked was. “Should I be glad or not that you’re here?”

“We don’t want to sue, if that’s what you’re asking.” said Abigail.

“We would have testified against you if there were any hard feelings.” added Raven.

David breathed a sigh of relief. “That effectively rules out ‘not’. So why are you here?“

“When the Snap hit us, we saw everything we’d been made to do.” said Abigail.

“And it lined up with what you and Kelly claimed, for the most part.” said Raven.

“I’d assume that would cause you to need less therapy than most.”

“True. Abigail and I were back to normal before your boss was even indicted.” said Raven.

“And as for us walking around Romania naked? We were pretty much the only victims in the area, so most people thought it was some kind of promotion for the movie.” said Abigail. “The only significant indirect loss we took was being stuck in Bucharest for an extra few weeks and paying more to Lurch’s dog-sitter.”

“We’re here because the Snap wiped out all of the enhancement programming you gave us, and we want it back.”

“I’m sure you’re strapped for cash right now, so we’ll pay you $15000, the amount we were prepared to offer for your help with that scene we made.”

David picked his jaw off his desk before saying “You know that there won’t be another Snap, so this is likely permanent.”

“GOOD!” said the goths at once.

“And I’ll need to know your preferences.”

Raven immediately gave him two pages of notes. “And the formerly magic strap-on is in my bag, so you can imprint it again.”

Abigail explained. “While making her masterpiece, Raven had a lot of unusual demands for crew, location owners, wardrobe, I could go on. We found it best to have them all itemized ahead of time.”

David read over the list. Most of it included what he had given them the first time, but they also wanted to be able to trigger each other. Raven also asked for him to agree to program more role-play scenarios, should she come up with them. “Will you mind if both Kelly and I retain access?”

“Not so long as only you can make changes.“

He handed Raven a billing form and a consent waiver for the use of hypnosis. “I accept your . Fill these out and we can get this done right now.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” said Raven with a smirk.

“So was I.” agreed Abigail with a wider one.

Twenty minutes later, David had inserted all of the programming the Goths had asked for right down to the magic strap-on. He gave them the same triggers and countersigns they had originally. And as asked, he made sure that the two were fully aware of everything he’d done to them.

“Thank you so much.” said Raven as he woke them up.

“Mind if we test out your handiwork right now?” asked Abigail.

“Actually yes.” said David. “I have a policy that no sex takes place in this room unless I’m participating, and none of us actually wants that to happen. Kelly might, but she isn’t here.“

Raven gave a slight pout, but relented. “It’s only half an hour to get home, honey. We’ve waited this long.“

When the three of them exited into the outer room, they were all surprised at the scene. Arlene was down to her bra and panties, the rest of her clothing scattered about. Said panties were quite damp, and while she was covered in sweat, that wasn’t the cause of the dampness. Her eyes were half closed, her hair and makeup were disheveled and she was panting very hard. “What happened to her?” asked Abigail.

“Let’s just say we’re in the midst of a labor negotiation and she’s been contemplating my opening bid.” answered David.

“If that was a benefit of other jobs, no one would ever strike again!” said Raven. “Oh! I just had the idea of a labor dispute porno! ‘Screwed by the Man-Another Way!’“

David then bent over Arlene. “Get dressed. When you are fully clothed, you will be fully awake and have full memories. Understand?” He didn’t wait for a response, since Arlene looked too overwhelmed to speak until she awoke.

Raven was already opening the door, now with even more reason to get home quickly. Seeing this, Abigail said. “Clearly, we’re going to be busy for the rest of the day, so goodbye!” and took off after her wife.

As soon as he saw that Arlene was no longer in trance, David asked “How many times did you come?” While Arlene was awake, she still had yet to catch her breath, so she answered by holding out her hand with all of the fingers outstretched, indicating five. “Wow. Penelope only came three times when she was in this position, and her trip down Memory Lane was almost twice as long as yours.”

“She’s a lawyer.” said Arlene finally. “They tend to get you off, not the other way around.“

“Very funny. Well, my session with Abigail and Raven went well. We’re open for another two months, and the position is yours if you still want it.”

“What position were you referring to?” asked Arlene sarcastically and rhetorically. “I’m willing to stay on for a 50% raise. And I will allow you and Kelly to have your way with me in a ‘performance review’ once per pay period, on my .“

“What are those?”

“I pick the day, I everything, and one of you has to eat me out each time.”

“Deal.” David would have shaken her hand, but he guessed it needed to be washed first. “I can’t believe you’re willing to stay after all that I’ve done to you!”

“I couldn’t believe what you’d done to me either, but you were right about show being more efficient than tell. And more entertaining as well!”

When David got home, Penelope was there along with Kelly. “Why is she here?”

“As an attorney and possibly a friend, but nothing more.” answered Penelope.

“That raises more questions than it answers.”

Kelly explained. “Kat and Beth called. They said they tried you first, but you didn’t pick up.”

“Yeah, today was... eventful, so I didn’t notice.” said David. “What did they want?”

“They wanted to see us. Immediately. I assumed that with the Snap, they understandably want a word about their children’s true origins. And I also assumed that this is the kind of thing that we might need a lawyer for. And since Penelope is the only lawyer in LA County I know that wouldn’t immediately tell your dad after learning why Kat and Beth likely want to see us, that’s why she’s here.“

“And yes, Kelly told me what this is about.” said Penelope, crossing her arms “It’s disgusting on principle, even amidst the other stuff I know you two did and even if they technically asked for it. They have every right to be upset with you. I just wonder why they didn’t testify, since this is not something you can blame on fear of Malcolm, even if he hypnotized them originally. It might have been enough to sway the jury towards conviction, had they known.“

David answered. “The reasons why they kept quiet are simple. First, I don’t think they would have been allowed to testify together, and the finishing of each other’s sentences wouldn’t have made them all that credible. Second, they probably want some form of child , which they had no chance of getting if I was incarcerated.”

Kelly said. “This sounds more like extortion than child .”

“I really can’t disagree, but we don’t have a choice. My dad might have tolerated the other things he learned we did, but I’m pretty sure this would be a bridge too far. Especially since it happened after we retired. More importantly, Malcolm had nothing to do with it beyond what he’s already been held responsible for. And they are my kids, so I have a responsibility to them.“

“Not legally.” said Penelope. “As far as anyone knows, Kat and Beth got donations from a sperm bank, ergo the father-you-gave up parental rights before those kids were even born.”

“And can we really afford another expense right now?” said Kelly. “Which reminds me-What happened with Arlene?“

“Raven and Abigail were there with her.” explained David. “They paid me fifteen grand to give them their enhancement programming back, since the Snap took it away. That’s enough to keep Arlene, the office and our solvency for another two months. Arlene demanded a BIG raise if I wanted her to stay on, but she’ll let us fuck her once a pay period.”

Penelope asked. “Is that a benefit or a duty of the job?”

“You’ll have to ask her.“

“What made her agree to that condition?”

“I gave her the memories I blocked. Same thing I did with you, and the results were pretty similar too. And actually she brought it up!“

Kelly asked. “Can we pay her weekly?”

“No. And she gets to choose which day it happens.” David then called Kat and Beth and arranged a meeting for the following day.

When David and Kelly went to Kat and Beth’s house, Penelope followed them in her own car. Kelly insisted that Eliza accompany them, adorably napping in her car seat the whole way. Despite the Black-Channing children now being close to a year old, David and Eliza had never met them (though he and Kelly had sent a gift when they were born). As Kelly had humorously predicted. Kat and Beth did indeed give birth on the same day, even sharing an Uber to the hospital when they simultaneously went into labor. Eight hours later, Max (Beth’s son) and Heidi (Kat’s daughter) came into the world less than five minutes apart, making them twins in practice if not genetically.

When they got to the door, David and Kelly were surprised to, for the first time since they’d known them, not see the pretty pair together-only Kat answered because Beth was tending to the babies in a playpen. David said hello, but Kat did not respond until the two were back side by side, and she (as usual) finished Beth’s greeting.

“No wonder they didn’t testify.” marveled Penelope, who hadn’t had as many interactions with the two as David and Kelly had.

“They’ve raised codependency to an art form.” said Kelly. “And now that the programming is gone, it’s all them. Though according to David, it was already.”

David introduced them. “This is Eliza, Kelly’s and my daughter, and half-sister to your kids.”

Kat said. “Nice to.”

Beth said. “Meet you.”

“And this is Penelope Simmons, my lawyer. We all were at UCLA together.”

Beth asked. “Did she.”

Kat finished. “Get you off?”

Kelly answered, with a smirk. “Absolutely. And she got him acquitted as well!”

Kat said, crossly. “Very.”

Beth was equally cross. “Funny.”

David said. “Can we please get.”

Kelly interrupted him. “Down to business.”

Beth said. “Of.”

Kat said. “Course.”

Kelly, whose sense of humor was already getting on the couple’s nerves, volunteered to put Eliza in the playpen with her newly met half-siblings and watch the three babies. Despite Max and Heidi having no blood ties to her, she was nevertheless drawn to them as much as her own daughter.

David asked. “Were there any issues when Malcolm overrode you?”

Kat started. “Not really.”

Beth added. “The kids were.”

Kat continued. “With my parents”

Beth finished. “So they were safe.”

Penelope stated. “It’s too late for your testimony to do anything to David, though I’m sure you already knew that. I’m almost as sure that what he did to you, had the jury known about it, would have resulted in a guilty verdict.”

Beth said. “Very true and.”

Kat said. “Very likely.”

David said. “Thus, you clearly want some form of child .”

Kat said. “Your sperm contribution.”

Beth said. “Your responsibility.”

Penelope said. “Not according to your cover story of the sperm bank. Since his wife already knows and the trial’s over, you have no leverage.”

The cute couple narrowed their eyes. Beth said. “Tell that to.”

Kat said, but in a louder voice than her wife. “Your father.”

David said. “I got you together in the first place. Doesn’t that count for anything?”

Kat started. “We all know.”

Beth elaborated. “That Masterson did it.”

Kat shouted. “NOT YOU!”

David sighed. “We figured you’d feel that way.” Penelope handed them a paper with a dollar amount listed. “That’s our offer, paid monthly. It’s equivalent to the child I would pay for two children in the same household, based on my income, circumstances, and the formulas the state of California uses to calculate such garnishments. In exchange, you will keep my actions a secret and allow me, Eliza, and any future children I have, to visit your kids at least once every six months. We’ll count today as the first visit.”

Kat and Beth looked at each other in silence for two minutes. David could clearly see they were contemplating his offer, but were somehow conversing without speaking. Maybe Kelly’s old joking comments were correct and these two really did share a brain. It was also possible that the trauma of the Snap had caused them to be even more codependent than they had previously been (if that was possible). While he and Kelly had half expected such an action, it weirded Penelope out a bit.

Finally, Beth said. “We accept.”

And Kat said. “Your offer.”

David said. “So may I?” The pretty pair nodded as one, and he went over to the playpen. Kelly had been watching the three babies play together, as transfixed as if they were hypnotizing her. Eliza was getting along well with Heidi and Max, and she began to cry enough that Kelly had to hold and comfort her when David picked the other two up, as if she somehow knew her connection to them. The experience for David was surreal. While he had held his nephews by marriage and several of his friends’ kids, this was similar to holding Eliza, yet completely different at the same time. However, within two minutes, Max did something that was quite familiar to David (and many parents), peeing on him. “I had this coming.” he said, embarrassed.

As David handed the children back to their mothers before running to the bathroom, Kelly joked. “Could be worse. At least this generation isn’t as synched as the previous generation.”

Suddenly a familiar odor emanated from Heidi. Kat said. “You were.”

Beth said. “Saying?”

David said. “We should go before it’s a hat trick!” Sadly, Eliza did end up emulating her half siblings, and David and Kelly had to change her in the back seat of the car before they left.

On the way home, David said. “How were your kinda-sorta step-kids?”

“About as adorable as ours.” answered Kelly. “It made me seriously consider us going for another one.”

David would have looked at her with shock if he didn’t have to keep his eyes on the road. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“You’re not working right now and whether I am is debatable. We just agreed to another significant expense. This is NOT a good time to add another baby into the equation!“

“There’s no such thing as a good time for kids. We put it off for the first five years of our marriage. There’s always some reason why not. Hell, you could have said we’re too busy with the one we’ve already got and I couldn’t really disagree with you.“

“Be that as it may, I think we should make our family more financially stable before we even consider growing it!“

Kelly rolled her eyes. “At this rate, that means we’ll have grandchildren before we have more children!“

The next day, David was surprised when he came to the office and Arlene told him he had clients waiting. He was even more surprised when those clients turned out to be Scott and Caroline. Now almost through her first trimester, Caroline was starting to show. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?” asked David.

“Well, now that we know why she liked her favorite song so much...” said Scott.

“You helped me find a side of myself that I wasn’t aware existed. And up until the snap, I guess I still wasn’t aware.” explained Caroline. “So Scott and I have been talking, and we want a chance to experience that. But on our . It’s only a matter of time before my condition prevents me from really getting the most out of this, so...“

“I get it.” said David. “You aren’t even the first couple to ask me for it this week. Write down what you want me to put in. I have a few suggestions based on what I’ve done with Kelly if you would like. And full disclosure, Kelly and I will both be able to use your triggers, plus whatever happens is likely permanent.”

Scott said. “I figured. You went over this with me before the battle, ?”

“I’ll give you two a minute to discuss what you want me to do.” said David as he went back outside. He said to Arlene. “The Goths I can understand, they already knew what they were getting. But these two? I didn’t think they had it in ’em.”

“You don’t know what you’ll get if you just ask nicely.” said Arlene. “Case in point-our new arrangement.”

“As my wife would say, hard to argue with that one.”

David went back into the office three minutes later. He took the paper the couple had written on and read it over. “All of this is acceptable except for one-The Orgasm Function. I know that you only know about it because Tori told you.”

“Yes.” said Scott.

“But what she didn’t tell you is that I refused to use it on Kelly while she was pregnant because I think it’s too much for someone in that condition. Once the baby is born, come back and I’ll put it in.”

“Won’t that ruin your ‘one-and-done’ reputation?” asked Caroline.

“That ship sailed when everyone learned how I got that reputation.“

Scott and Caroline weren’t as well off as Abigail and Raven, so David had no intention of charging them money (he hadn’t intended to charge the Goths either, they had offered) but they paid him $500.

A few weeks later, David and Kelly got an alert through their alumni association. Regina’s parents had taken her off of life , and she had died a few hours later. Unlike the Streeters, who had pulled Louise’s plug as soon as the courts allowed them to do so (having already “buried” her once), the Abernathys had hung on for almost two more months. Regina’s funeral made city-wide news, as she had been a significant celebrity and the hardest hit victim of Malcolm and the Snap. While Regina had few friends from the time before she was enthralled, her funeral was very well attended, with nearly a thousand mourners. Most of those mourners did not actually know her, being either fans or other Snap victims paying respects in solidarity. However, Regina’s parents did not prohibit anyone from going except for two names-David and Kelly Wilson. Ironically, they probably knew her the best apart from the incarcerated Malcolm. Nevertheless, David sent a card of sympathy.

One week after Regina’s funeral, David got a call from the prison while Kelly was giving Eliza a bath. “Are you David Wilson?” asked the warden.

“Yes.”

“You are listed as the next of kin for Malcolm Masterson.”

“What did he do?”

“He committed suicide. He got into the yard and stole hedge clippers from a groundskeeper, castrated himself with them, then jumped headfirst into a woodchipper.”

“Malcolm wasn’t supposed to leave his cell, let alone go outside. What happened?“

“We’re still figuring that out.”

“I have a pretty good idea. He hypnotized a guard to get him outside, just like he did to ‘testify’ at my trial. For all I know, it’s the guard that got chipped and he’s faked his death.”

“No, we had the... remains sent to a lab offsite for verification. It matched the sample we took when he first was incarcerated.”

“Well, thanks for the information, I guess.”

“There’s more. We need you to come and sign off on releasing his remains for burial. Also, the guard who witnessed his demise has a message Masterson wrote before he ended it. He had instructions to give it to you in person.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow.” David hung up just as Kelly brought Eliza into the room. She had heard the last line.

“So where are you going tomorrow?” she asked.

“To the prison. Malcolm killed himself.”

Kelly’s jaw dropped. “Oh, my god. Let’s get Eliza ready for bed, then we can talk.”

Fifteen minutes later, Kelly was holding David on the couch. “He must have found out Regina died and couldn’t live with the guilt.” he said.

“Are we sure about that?” asked Kelly. “I wouldn’t put it past him to make somebody else die in his place to cover an escape.”

“Neither would I, but the DNA results confirmed it was him.”

“DNA results? What, was the body not recognizable?”

“Something like that. He hypnotized a guard to get him to the yard. Then he got a pair of hedge clippers and castrated himself with them. Then he...”

“Jumped into a woodchipper feet-first?”

“No, head-first, but how did you know about the woodchipper?”

“On our wedding day, I told Malcolm that’s what I wished he’d made Paterno do to himself. It’s the only conversation I ever had with him without you there. Nobody else heard me say that. That means it really was him.”

“Well, if we’re coming clean about Malcolm, here’s my confession. I kept the watch after the battle. It’s in my dresser.”

“I know. I just didn’t say anything because I figured you had your reasons.”

“I have to go, because as his next of kin, they won’t release his remains to anyone else.”

“Aren’t your dad and uncle closer to him?”

“Genetically, yes, as confirmed by the sample they took. Emotionally, no, since I was his emergency . There’s also a suicide note.”

Kelly hugged her husband. “You don’t need to ask. Of course I’ll come with you. Let’s call your parents to watch Eliza tomorrow.”

At the prison, Malcolm’s shredded remains fit into a space half the size of a typical coffin, but David didn’t care. What he was really there for was Malcolm’s suicide note, which was given to him by the entranced guard, who immediately woke up not ing anything for the last three days, including bringing Malcolm outside. Here is what the note said:

Dear David,

If you are reading this, it means that the guilt was too much for me. Apparently, Knees Wilson couldn’t program the conscience out of me after all, since I’ve been listening to it scream for weeks. It was bad enough knowing how much pain I caused Regina, but now that she is dead, it became unbearable. I am aware that everything I intended for you to inherit is gone, so all I can give you is a final instruction. However, you have always been so dependable that I know you will carry it out. I also know you kept my pocket watch after the battle, since it didn’t show up among the confiscated items that were auctioned off. I bear you no ill will for it, as in my hands it was far too dangerous. But it doesn’t belong to you, and truly it never belonged to me either. Your task is to find the person it does belong to, the descendant of my father’s cousin, and give it to them. Knees stole enough of the Masterson legacy, this way you and I can give some of it back. All I about her is that her name was Rebecca. I am glad you didn’t turn out like me or your grandfather. I love you like a son.

Sincerely,
Uncle (this is the first time I’ve ever written that word) Malcolm.

PS: Tell Kelly that I was wrong when she asked me that question. Regina has demonstrated that you can program someone to death. And again, don’t let them fire the guard I “employed”.

Malcolm’s funeral a few days later was quite anticlimactic. While his remains were placed in the Masterson mausoleum, no one had been there besides Malcolm himself in decades, meaning that it had gotten significantly overgrown. Since Malcolm had no acquaintances that hadn’t been in his power before the Snap besides David himself, only he and his family even paid their respects, for a grand total of seven mourners (and one was a baby, so she wasn’t even aware of what mourning meant). However, that didn’t mean the funeral wasn’t well-attended; a crowd of three hundred protesters marched and yelled in the parking lot, and likely would have interrupted the ceremony if the cemetery didn’t have such good security. From the moment he read the letter, David wondered how he would fulfill Malcolm’s final request. He had a theory about who the missing Masterson heir was, but he needed help to prove it. And he also knew two people who were well suited to find that proof. They even might get a certain “perk” out of the work as they did it...

Sean met David in front of his father’s law firm three days after the funeral. “I really didn’t expect to see you again after the interview went to press.” he said. Said interview was a more in depth look at the defendant from the “trial of the century” than anyone else had been able to get. It had revitalized Sean’s career. After the trial, he had sold it to three different papers across California, and had become financially solvent for the first time in four years. He had his pick of full-time positions, but had yet to choose.

“Neither did I, but something... happened.” said David.

“Masterson died, right?” David nodded, so Sean continued. “His obituary got a full page. I get that he meant a lot to you, but you’re probably the only person who had anything to do with him that isn’t glad he’s gone.“

“The protestors at the funeral had the same opinion. As you know, Malcolm wasn’t really Elijah Masterson III’s son.”

“Yeah, you, me, and the courts know that, but you made me keep it a secret from everyone else.”

“Malcolm’s last request was to find the person who would have otherwise inherited the Masterson fortune if it weren’t for him. His presumed father, Elijah III’s first cousin.”

“Wouldn’t that person be like ninety by now?”

“Malcolm didn’t believe she’s still alive. He wanted me to find her descendants.”

“What do you know about her?”

“She was the only member of the family who didn’t believe the hypno-delusion Knees put on them to accept Malcolm as their blood. As such, she left the family when Malcolm was about 5 and never saw any of them again. The only thing he ed about her was her first name. Rebecca.”

“That’s not a lot to go on, but I’ve found stories starting with less. Why did you have me meet you here?”

“You will be conducting your investigation as a consultant to Wilson and Spaulding, who will pay you for your time. However, they will assign you a liaison to work alongside you.”

“It isn’t you, is it?”

“I don’t work for my father, so of course not. We’re going to meet her now. She’s already up to speed.”

“Her?” David pulled Sean inside before either of them said anything else. In the waiting room was one of the prettiest women Sean had seen since losing his fiancée, dressed in a business suit. He recognized her as the attorney who had gotten David off (and, he guessed, had likely gotten him off another way as well).

“Sean Clarke, reporter, meet Penelope Simmons, attorney. Penelope, this is Sean. You two will be working together, I’ve cleared it with my dad.”

Without realizing he’d done it, Sean extended his hand for Penelope to shake. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Simmons.”

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Clarke.” replied Penelope as she shook his hand.

“I’ll leave you two to get started, I have a client in half an hour and need to get back to my office.”

“How do you have a client?” asked Sean and Penelope at the same time, but David was already out the door.

Penelope said. “I went to college with David, but if you followed the trial, you already knew that.”

Sean responded. “Yes I did.”

“So how do you know him?”

“It started when I was following Regina Abernathy, and she went to his house...”

When David got back to his office, Arlene said. “You didn’t tell me you knew ‘The Dolphin!’”

David responded. “I find that difficult to believe, since our wives have been best friends since before they were our wives. Hell, they’re in our wedding pictures, some of which are on my desk.“

“Well, if you did tell me, it’s not like I expected them to stop by your workplace.”

“Monique is Kelly’s friend more than I am Louis’s, so that’s probably true. Let me guess, they’re in the other room?”

“Oui, Oui.“

David went into the inner office to find that the Lafayettes were indeed waiting for him. Louis reached out his hand for David to shake, only to pull him into a hug which Monique ed. ”Nos condoléances” said Louis. “Monsieur Masterson isn’t someone Monique and I are sad to hear has ed on, but we know you miss him.” David had forgotten that he hadn’t seen any of his friends (except Penelope, obviously) since before the announcement.

“Merci à vous deux.” said David as he was released from the hug. “But if that’s all this was about, you could have called Kelly.“

“C’est vrai.” said Monique. “Since the Snap, Kelly has been filling me in on what hypnosis has done for your love lives.“

“If you’re open to that sort of thing, I’m sure Louis has some big fans out there...”

“NON!” said the two of them at once. Then Monique clarified. “That part was made quite obvious by my own restored memories. She always sent me into Louis’s bed when she planned to play with the rest of the sorority.“

“Which I will be forever grateful for.” said Louis. Monique was about to shoot him an angry look, but relented when he said. “And Monique is all the woman I will ever need.”

“While we were roommates, Kelly and I always gave each other space when one of us wanted some intimacy with a lover, and that technically qualified.” said Monique. “Besides, it’s not like she foisted me onto someone I wouldn’t have gone with anyway. But back to the main point. She told me about the enhancements you made to her pleasure. We want some of that.”

David handed them paper and a pen. “Fill out your specific requests. I will only implement what you both agree to, you need to know that this will likely be permanent, and I, and possibly Kelly, will retain privileges in your brains.“

“This sounds very routine.” said Louis.

“You’re the third couple to ask me for enhancements this month. It’s pretty much the only clientele I’ve had since the Snap.”

Monique said. “Caroline mentioned something about this, who were the other ones?”

“Sorry. Confidentiality forbids, but I’m sure they’ll make it obvious soon enough.“

“Hump Day.” said Monique and Louis at once. While Raven and Abigail had not been friends with most of the group back in college, that had changed since the Snap, as many of the victims had found each other for .

As was now becoming typical, David left the room to allow the soon-to-be very happy couple to discuss what they wanted him to do. Forty-five minutes later, Monique and Louis were speeding home to test out what they had “purchased” (giving him $1000 for his services, at their insistence). Arlene commented. “At least one thing hasn’t changed.“

“What’s that?” asked David.

“Everyone leaves happy, and no one needs to come back.”

Two weeks later, David was at home playing with Eliza and Kelly when he got a call from Penelope. He went upstairs to take the call. While Kelly knew he had asked Sean and Penelope to find the missing Masterson, she was not aware of David’s hunch. “What’s the word?” he asked after putting the phone on speaker.

“We found the rightful Masterson heir.” said Penelope.

“And it’s exactly who you thought it would be.” said Sean.

“Did that need to take you two weeks?” asked David.

“Yes and no.” said Penelope. “The Mastersons lived in Bakersfield, which Malcolm basically owned with his mind control.”

“Meaning that the place was plunged into chaos after the Snap, so it took a while for our records request to be fulfilled.” added Sean. “Not that I minded, it felt good to actually work on something not celebrity-related for a change. And Penelope is such a great sounding board!”

“Sean’s wonderful to work with as well.”

David smirked, not that either of them could see him. “So glad you both feel that way. Stop the Presses. Nell and Void.”

Sean and Penelope were in a small conference room. Both slumped onto the table. “This... just... in... I... obeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...” said Sean.

“Case... closed... defense... resssssssssssssssssssssssssts...” said Penelope.

“Sean, how do you feel about Penelope?” asked David. “Penelope, you will not be able to process what he says until I tell you that you can.”

“Penelope... is... amazing...” said Sean. “Such... ion... for... truth... so... kind... so... beautiful...” His voice grew clearer as he spoke. “She reminds me of why I got into journalism in the first place. I lost that drive when I lost Louise, and it feels so good to get it back. I didn’t think I would, or even could, care about anyone this much after losing Louise. I am so glad to be wrong.“

David then said. “Penelope, how do you feel about Sean?”

“He... has... the... sense... of... justice... like... you... and... John...” she said, starting to smile. “I told you I needed to find someone who looks at me the way you look at Kelly, and he does. I know we’ve only known each other a few weeks, but look how fast you and Kelly moved.”

David said. “Okay, Penelope, now you can process what Sean said. Both of you, when you wake up, will not what you said while being put under, but will feel as though you heard what the other said even though you won’t doing so. One, two, three, wake up!”

Sean and Penelope awoke. “I hate it when he does that.” said Sean with a groan.

“I rather enjoy it, to be honest.” said Penelope. “But I don’t know why he did that.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow to pick up the evidence!” said David as he hung up. Sean moved around the table to be next to Penelope.

“David did something to us, didn’t he?” asked Sean.

Penelope, with a lustful expression, answered. “I don’t know and right now, I don’t care.” With that, she kissed him ionately. He reciprocated immediately. Soon, the two were undressing each other as they made out. Penelope had reserved the conference room for half an hour, and they would be “meeting” for every moment of it...

David put his phone away and turned to the bedroom door, only to see Kelly, Eliza in her arms. “How much did you hear?”

“Just the part about you getting them to know each other’s feelings simultaneously. Penelope deserves to be happy, so good for her.” answered Kelly. “So, did they find out where the missing Masterson is?”

“Yes, and she’s a lot closer than Malcolm realized. His presumed great aunt, Kelly Masterson, married a man named Victor Greene. They had one daughter, Rebecca, the cousin who self-exiled when no one believed the truth about Malcolm.”

“Rebecca, Kelly, and Victor the male of Victoria.” said Kelly, with a strange expression on her pretty face. “It can’t be.”

“And Rebecca Greene married Benjamin Laurent, dying in childbirth with their daughter, who she named for her grandfather, Elijah.”

Kelly was starting to cry. “So the Masterson family’s lost heir... is me?”

“Technically it’s Rebecca, since she’s the oldest, but close enough.”

“After all this time, we finally know.” Kelly handed Eliza to David before screaming skyward. “WE FOUND THEM, MOM! WE FOUND GRANDMA’S FAMILY!” then going back to them for a long hug.

“Now I know you said you didn’t want me to give you the fantasy of your mom again, but under the circumstances...”

“No thank you. I said never again, and I meant it. It’s my living family we need to go tell, and I’ve got plenty of those.“

The next day, David and Kelly went to his parents’ house to explain. “It turns out the estranged cousin to Malcolm’s presumed father was Kelly’s grandmother.” he said. “Which makes her sister Rebecca the nominal heir.”

John commented. “Nominal because the estate no longer existed after Malcolm’s trial.”

Melissa said. “How ironic. The family that Knees disenfranchised ended up marrying into his anyway.”

“What happens now?” asked Jacob.

“This will be a big deal for my dad and sisters.” said Kelly. “Not because of the money, even if there were any, but because Mom and Big Ben never knew anything about where Grandma Rebecca came from, and she died before she could tell them. We’re heading up to San Francisco the day after tomorrow.“

Steven said. “I want to come with you. It’s been a month since I’ve seen my girlfriend.”

Kelly narrowed her eyes. “You mean seen her in person. You two Zoom at least twice a week, Tori told me.“

“It isn’t the same thing, so can I come?”

“Do you really expect us to spring for a plane ticket for you, bro?” asked David.

“Of course not. We all know you can’t afford your own plane tickets, especially on such short notice, so you’re driving there. Which means the expense of me tagging along is negligible. I’ll even chip in for gas.“

“He’s got us there.” said Kelly. “Okay, he can come. As long as we don’t see or hear any evidence that he decided to come once he and Tori are reunited.“

“You know what your sister is like. No promises.”

David said. “You’re being a bit hypocritical. How much noise do we make in bed?“

Kelly sighed. “Enough to wake up someone from three floors away, back in college. I can’t believe we didn’t get written up!”

“Good thing I had an RA programmed to think I could do no wrong.”

The drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco is five and a half hours under ideal conditions. However, the presence of a baby in the car makes such conditions impossible, so while Eliza napped for more than half of the journey, the drive ended up being seven hours. They got to Dan and Holly’s house around dinner time, and as instructed, Dan had invited Tori, Rebecca, Eric, and their kids for the announcement.

David explained. “As most of you know, Malcolm Masterson’s father was my grandfather, not Elijah Masterson the Third. This was kept a secret from the public to prevent a dispute over the settlement. When Malcolm died, he gave me instructions to find the legitimate Masterson heir, who would be descended from his presumed father’s estranged cousin.”

“What does that have to do with us?” asked Tori.

“More than anyone realized, even Malcolm himself.” said Kelly with a smirk. “We found out the cousin was Grandma Rebecca. We’re the missing Mastersons!“

“You found Mom’s maternal relatives?!” asked Rebecca in shock.

“Not exactly, since Malcolm was nominally the last Masterson. But at least you finally know.” said David.

Dan said. “While it’s nice to know where you girls come from, didn’t you just say that the Masterson estate was consumed by the settlement?”

“It was. Except for one thing. Malcolm’s pocket watch.” David immediately withdrew the watch, and a check. “It’s too dangerous to give to anyone, so I had the gems removed, and sold them. Here is all the inheritance you have left. The gems’ value was $30000. As the eldest, this all belongs to Rebecca.”

Rebecca blushed. “As generous as that is, it isn’t even the best news I had this week. I’m pregnant again!”

“We found out two days ago.” continued Eric. “Would have told you sooner, but when Kelly asked for the family meeting, it seemed more convenient.” Assorted words of congratulations followed for a few minutes.

“I can’t believe they wanted another one.” said Steven.

“I can’t believe they could want another one.” said Tori. “After what happened to Rebecca at the battle, and how she told me she was swearing off sex...“

“No, I healed up fine, and what I said was that Eric couldn’t ask for anything special during sex.” said Rebecca. “Sex in general was back on the table once I recovered. We’re going to name the baby after Regina if it’s a girl, since she was the catalyst.“

“Speaking of putting sex on the table...” said Steven.

“Only if you clean up afterwards. And not from behind.” said Tori.

“OH COME ON!” shouted Kelly angrily. “DAD AND HOLLY ARE IN THE ROOM! AND SO ARE PETER AND THE KIDS!”

Peter interjected. “I like Steven better than any other guy Tori has brought home.”

Dan added. “And half of those guys wouldn’t take that deal because they can’t be bothered to clean up after themselves in someone else’s home.”

Kelly slapped her face. “Next thing you know, Benjy and Ron will be calling him ‘Uncle’.”

Eric responded. “Benjy already does, some of the time.”

“I don’t see why you object so much to him.” said Holly. “He’s David’s brother and you trust him with your daughter! Yet you’re treating him like Curds and Whey!“

“I didn’t know you hated curds and whey so much.” said David.

“Curds and Whey isn’t food, it’s a person.” explained Tori. “Curtis Weyland. The first guy I brought home after starting college.”

“And the absolute worst guy she ever dated, bar none.” added Kelly.

“If I had known about all the hypnosis stuff back then, I’d still consider you the better mate for one of my daughters, between you and him.” said Dan.

“What did he do that was so bad?” asked Steven.

“Where do we begin?” said Rebecca. “He was five years older than her but still a freshman, was ing himself as a DJ, with ‘Curds and Whey’ as his nickname.”

“Four facial piercings, a face tattoo, and hair longer than hers.” said Dan.

“He stepped on one of my toys and broke it, then called me a baby for even having it.” said Peter.

“He hit on me three times over the course of ninety minutes.” said Holly. “With both Dan and Tori in the room.”

“And yet none of those things made Tori call it quits.” said Kelly. “I never actually met the guy, they were broken up long before the next time I came back here.”

“So what did he do?” asked David.

Tori then said. “When I brought up Benjy, he mentioned that he hated kids, and that he dumped his most recent ex because he had gotten her pregnant. That was the last straw.”

“Damn. I know I only met one of Tori’s boyfriends, present company excluded, but Curtis makes Joe look like a prince!”

Tori looked at her sister. “And you wonder why nobody objects to him but you.” She then leaned over and kissed Steven to drive the point home.

Kelly looked at her husband. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

David’s answer was. “You do realize that defending your position, by definition, insults my brother.”

The Wilsons spent the next day sightseeing and visiting friends and family. This excluded Steven, who spent the entire day getting “reacquainted” with his girlfriend. The following day, the two couples, ed by Rebecca and her family, went to the cemetery where Kelly’s mother and maternal grandparents were buried. This was the first time Steven or Eliza had ever been here, and David hadn’t been since junior year.

Kelly, holding her daughter, stood over her mother’s grave. “Mom, I know it’s been a while, but what happened has been big. I have a daughter now, and I named her after you.” She leaned over so Eliza could touch the engraved letters in their shared name. “But more importantly, we found Grandma Rebecca’s family. Unfortunately, they were all gone before me or my sisters could have met them, but at least we finally know. David’s had some... issues now that his big secret has been told to the whole world, but I love him and wouldn’t want anyone else.” Turning to her sisters, she said. “Who’s next?“

Steven asked Eric. “Is this how they always visit her?”

Eric answered. “Kelly and Tori do. Rebecca just goes along with it.”

Rebecca spoke about her injury and new pregnancy, and Benjy talked about what he and Ron had done in school. Tori then “introduced” Steven to her mother and grandparents. “This is awkward.” he said. “Other than your dad, I’ve never met any girlfriend’s parents, living or dead.“

Tori said. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re the first boyfriend who I’ve brought here, so it’s a little awkward for me too.” She gave him a hug and kissed his cheek, which she had found could motivate him to do anything.

“Mrs... Stone. It feels wrong calling you by your first name because we never met, and because it’s also the name of my niece. Yes, I’m Kelly’s brother-in-law, but I am also dating Tori. I love your daughter. I have from the moment I laid eyes on her. I also have loved your granddaughter from the moment I laid eyes on her, but in a completely different way. Tori makes me happier than I’ve ever been, so I will dedicate my life to returning the favor. Amen.“

“She’s not a deity.”

“The way you and your sisters talk about her, you could have fooled me.” Steven then placed a rock on her headstone. “She wasn’t Jewish, but I am, and that’s what Jews do at a gravesite.”

“I did the same thing the first time I was here.” said David.

“And I appreciated the gesture, and I know Mom does too.” said Kelly.

David then asked Rebecca and Eric. “I know you turned down my offer after the battle, but it still stands.”

Rebecca answered. “I’m pregnant now, and didn’t you minimize that stuff when Kelly was carrying Eliza?” David nodded.

“We can revisit this conversation when the baby is born.” said Eric.

“Well, if they don’t want it, I’d be happy to have it.” said Tori.

“Not. A. Chance.” said Kelly.

“He’s giving it to your friends left and right. I’ll even pay you!”

“And there is the reason I still don’t like you two dating. You aren’t interested in Steven, you’re interested in ing the Nuclear Club, which only Steven’s brother can grant hip to!“

“Those two things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”

David interjected. “You and Steven are in a long-distance relationship and have only been dating a few months. Let’s see what happens when you hit the one-year mark.”

“You said six months last time, and it’s already been three.” said Tori with a groan.

“Long distance relationship. The proportional amount of time you’ve spent with each other, means the time only counts half as much as if you lived in the same city.”

Tori pouted, but Steven held her to try to reassure her. “He said ‘when’, not ‘if’. That means he expects us to stay together that long.” She smiled, and was about to kiss him, when he said. “You really want to do this in front of your mother?”

“If I believe Mom is there, then nothing in front of her would matter.” said Tori. “And if I believe she isn’t there, then spirits are watching us 24/7. Either way, that’s not much of a reason why not.“

“Good enough for me.” There was nothing else to say after that, and for at least three minutes, nothing else could be said anyway.

Meanwhile, Kelly asked. “What have your own family cemetery trips been like?”

David answered. “Mom’s family, living and dead alike, are in New York. I’ve only been to that cemetery once. As for Dad’s parents, he had them buried at opposite ends of the cemetery, so he could visit one without visiting the other. Aside from Knees’s funeral, I never went to his gravesite. Of course, we now know that whether he was actually dead is debatable.”

“He’s gone now. Even if there was some part of him left in Malcolm, as unbelievable as that sounds, that’s gone for good too.“

David reached into his pocket and pulled out the watch, now with eight holes surrounding the “M” where the gems used to be. “This is the only thing left of either one of them. Rebecca didn’t want it, so I guess it’s mine now.”

“No one else is worthy of it.”

The next morning, David, Kelly and Eliza drove back to Los Angeles. Steven stayed behind to spend more time with his girlfriend. While he had to pay for a plane ticket home, at least he only had to pay in one direction. The following morning, David got a call from James and Eleanor. “What’s up?” he asked.

“We’ve been talking to our other mutual friends.” said James.

“I’m not sure if I’d call Hump Day a ‘friend’ just yet.” said Eleanor.

“And they’ve been experiencing a lot of... improvements in their relationships thanks to your... guidance.”

“Do you think Eleanor’s dad is monitoring your calls? I gave them hypnotic enhancements to their sex lives.”

“Which we haven’t stopped hearing about.” said Eleanor. “And, no, Father isn’t monitoring my calls. Even if he could, he hasn’t taken any calls from me since word reached Montana about your trial. Somehow he’s convinced that you sold me to James, despite all evidence to the contrary.“

“From what you told me, he barely approved of James in the first place, he’s in denial. Besides, if you really had no say in the matter, then why would James even care what your family thought?“

“That’s what I said!” said James.

David then said. “All of the others made appointments with Arlene and surprised me in the office. Why didn’t you?”

“The others weren’t clear on how much you charged for this... service, and I didn’t want to negotiate in front of your secretary.”

“I didn’t charge them! They just gave me money afterwards. They knew what I was offering and thought it was worth... that... much...” Suddenly David had an idea to get back in business. “I won’t charge you, but I’m going to need your help with something.“

“Tell me more.”

“I’m going to start charging for this service. Change my practice into a sexual enhancer for hire. I’ll hypnotize couples, with their permission, and give them all the tricks I’ve developed to spice up the bedroom. And I’ll need your help marketing it, and as a testimonial.“

“DONE.” James and Eleanor said this at the same time, even though David had only requested James’ help.

In the weeks that followed, David set up a website for his new business. With James’ marketing savvy, Steven’s tech savvy, and Raven’s celebrity endorsement, he was able to successfully launch Hypno-Helper. Here is the website’s content.

Are you bored in the bedroom? Unable to satisfy your significant other? Afraid someone is going to cheat? Then you need David Wilson, Hypno-Helper. The best hypnotist in LA County, with all the knowledge necessary to make sure the bed-rock of your relationship will be forever solid and satisfying. Any couple which includes a Snap victim gets 50% off, and there is a 30-day money back guarantee if you are not satisfied.

AVAILABLE PROGRAMMING:

CAVEATS:

One month later, David and Kelly were financially secure again. Thanks to Raven revealing how satisfied a customer she was, he was solidly booked after the first week. As with his previous two businesses, he had yet to pay out a single refund.

David stood at his bedroom window, staring at Malcolm’s pocket watch. He still refused to use it either as a watch or a hypnotic focus, but had kept it with him ever since the trip to San Francisco. Kelly came in, having just returned from taking Eliza to a doctor’s appointment. “The way you stare at that thing, I almost think you’re trying to hypnotize yourself with it.“

“It’s all that’s left of Malcolm. The money and property, liquidated. The thralls, freed. Even Malcolm himself is gone.” said David. “Everything the Mastersons had, Knees corrupted into a hypnotic weapon, then destroyed. Even this watch. And now the watch is all that remains.“

“That’s not true. You are what’s left of him. Everything you learned from him, you are now using to make the world a better place. In spite of everything your mad grandpa tried, your instinct was always to use hypnosis to help, not to hoard.“

“It’s still going to take a long time before the stains Knees put on Malcolm’s name can be cleaned up. I can only do so much.”

Kelly smirked. “There’s another way we can honor him.” She pulled out a pregnancy test. “Eliza’s pediatrician had them, believe it or not. You said no when we were on the brink of ruin. But now...”

David saw the plus sign, then took the child he already had from his wife. “Eliza, you’re going to be a big sister!”

“Sista.” said Eliza.

“And if you want to name this one after Malcolm, regardless of gender, I won’t complain.” said Kelly. “My family got top billing on that one. I’ll even call your family first to tell them the good news!“

“Soon enough,” said David. “I need to close this chapter before we can start the next one.” He went back to the window. As Kelly and Eliza looked on, David Wilson dropped the pocket watch out the window, and it hit the ground and shattered.

THE END